Dusk over Edinburgh
by beckyofdownton
Summary: When Sirius is issued a full pardon and is released from Azkaban after Peter Pettigrew is found dead, he is awarded custody of Harry and is ordered to move to Edinburgh to escape the potential wrath of Death Eaters still intent on finishing Voldemort's ultimate mission. Sirius x Remus. Rated T.
1. 15 Wainscott Road

_Author's Note: Due to the massive success of "The Way Things Were", I thought I would start posting this one, as well. I'm particularly passionate about this story and the characterizations are slightly different than in my other stories. I'd love criticisms, reviews, anything! I'm always learning._

* * *

"Black, Sirius."

Sirius got to his feet slowly, kicking the chains aside. His hands were bound as well and, had he not become accustomed to them over the past weeks, he would have tripped. The doors to the court room swung open and Sirius trudged forwards, his head down. He knew what was coming and he had steeled himself for the inevitable. His footsteps echoed loudly, reverberating off the walls of the round court room. The benches were packed with wizards and witches, goblins and house elves. He had a feeling that at least some of his family would be in the crowd; he knew they couldn't resist watching what they had always waited for.

Sirius had been woken early this morning and informed that his court date had been moved to this morning. He was not surprised nor was he eager to take the rickety old boat back across the Channel to the mainland. His court dates had been so erratic and well publicized that receiving the verdict early was not something that surprised him.

He took his seat next to the attorney he had been assigned and didn't take his eyes off his hands. He had been waiting for weeks for this verdict and wasn't about to give into false hope now. Even if he knew he was innocent, Peter had framed him so well and the wizarding world had been so morbidly in love with the horrific story of his brotherly betrayal of James, that he knew his chances were slim to none of complete exoneration.

"All rise."

Sirius felt his arm being tugged on by the attorney and he shuffled awkwardly to his feet. He shook his long, lank hair from his eyes and glanced up at the judge. She was, to his surprise, a warm-looking lady who smiled ever so slightly at him when he looked up. Sirius looked away quickly.

"Mr. Black, you stand accused of mass murder in the first and second degrees. You also..."

Sirius inclined his head ever so slightly and allowed the information to flow from one ear and out the other. He had little to no interest in listening to his charges; he had memorized them a hundred times over.

"Mr. Black. We called this court date immediately for a reason." The judge said, her voice coloured by a soft Irish lilt. "I'm sure you have been informed of the recent demise of Peter Pettigrew."

Sirius' head shot up. _Recent _demise?

"Peter Pettigrew's body was found dead in the East end of London near the docks." She said, peering over her glasses at Sirius. "He was found with the _digitus minimus manus _removed by means of a deliberate slicing with either a knife or a severing spell. It matches your testimony, Mr. Black."

Sirius stared, wide-eyed at the judge and then quickly glanced at his attorney who had gripped Sirius hard on the arm.

"The court then finds the defendant _not _guilty," The judge said, a small smile playing at her lips, "and is exonerated from all charges."

Sirius felt immediately faint and stumbled backwards into his seat amidst an uproar of voices from around him. An unsettling wave of relief mixed with nausea passed over him.

He was _free._

* * *

"Mr. Black, there only remain two small matters."

Sirius was seated in a dusty old armchair across from two men from the Ministry of Magic, Dumbledore and an uncomfortably pinched looking woman who was clenching a teacup as if her life depended on it.

He had been out of Azkaban for less than twenty-four hours and he had found, to his great annoyance, that the only place he had to go was back to his family's manor. The flat he and Remus had shared before... before everything had happened had long been rented out and could no longer be signed over to him. He therefore sat uncomfortably amongst the ghosts of Black Manor, wearing clothes that were now far too big on him and an expression that could kill.

"The matter of where you will be living," said the first man.

"And the matter of young Harry Potter." said the second.

The woman squirmed slightly in her seat and eyed Sirius as if he were something quite disgusting she had just scraped off her shoe. Dumbledore patted her on the knee in what would have been a show of kindness had she not jumped about a mile in the air at his touch.

"As you know, the Potter child has been living with his aunt," Dumbledore looked at the pinched woman, " and uncle. However, custody fell to you, Sirius, under the Potters' will."

Sirius nodded slowly. When he heard that James and Lily had died, the weight of the knowledge that he was now a single father had been monumental on top of the loss of two of his best friends. The thought that he might one day see Harry again had got him through some of the worst times in prison. Harry was the only person he had left now and the knowledge that he had been relegated to the care of this bony muggle was excruciating.

"I will not," Harry's aunt spat, looking Sirius up and down, "turn over a child to a known convict. The child is much better off in a foster organization."

Sirius let out a low, raspy laugh.

"Mrs. Dursley," Dumbledore said patiently. "This man is a very well respected member of the wizarding community and was named by your sister and brother-in-law as your nephew's lawful gaurdian. He has been exonerated of all charges laid against him."

"And we all know how secure _their _judgement was." Mrs. Dursley said, the teacup rattling against the saucer as her hands shook.

Sirius leapt to his feet and opened his mouth to say something. The two Ministry men flinched and Mrs. Dursley narrowed her eyes, but Dumbledore raised his hand and silenced him.

"Sirius, if you please." Dumbledore said kindly, motioning once again to the armchair.

Sirius shut his mouth and set to chewing the inside of his cheek as he slowly took his seat.

"Now, Mrs. Dursley." Dumbledore said a small smile on his bearded face, "I understand you care very deeply for Harry, but - "

Mrs. Dursley let out a small derisive laugh.

"But Sirius is a very competent caregiver and has a home and quite a large sum of money set aside just for the care of your nephew." Dumbledore continued as if he hadn't heard the laugh.

Hatred boiled inside Sirius and, seeming to notice that a recent convict was eyeing her with a look that could very possibly kill her, Mrs. Dursley glanced nervously back at Dumbledore.

_How had Harry been allowed to stay with these people?_ Sirius thought bitterly, _Didn't James have cousins or distant relatives who could have taken him in? Where had _Remus_ been for him?_

"I _insist _that the child be placed in a foster home." she said, "My husband and I have custody and it is our final say. I know how the laws work, Mr. Dumbledore, thank you _very _much."

"Ah." One of the wizarding men piped in, straightening his round spectacles. "The wills of Mr. And Mrs. Potter were written according to wizarding law, and I am afraid that as Harry is a child of magic, it is binding."

Sirius fought to keep the smug expression off his face, and contented himself with a quick eyebrow raised in the Dursley woman's direction. She said nothing, but began to turn a deep shade of red and slopped a small amount of tea onto the armrest of her chair.

"And Sirius," Dumbledore said. "We would like to know where the best location would be to bring Harry to you. Would you like a few days to arrange your living situation?"

Sirius thought for a moment. After the initial wrestle they had had with his mother's portrait in the main hall and the brush with Kreacher, Sirius hardly thought this would be a safe place to raise a baby. He wouldn't have put it past the evil old house elf to poison Harry's milk or set rats loose in the nursery.

"My bank accounts will be restored to me?" Sirius asked.

"Yes. They are being held in Remus Lupin's name." Dumbledore replied. Sirius bristled slightly at the name. He had thought about Remus many times over the past while, but hearing his name was another matter entirely.

"Is there much left?" Sirius asked, ignoring the looks shot at him by Mrs. Dursley.

"Enough." Dumbledore said, then turned to the two Ministry men. "Mr. Quimble, would you take Mrs. Dursley to the drawing room and have her sign the documents we discussed?"

Mrs. Dursley was shown to the door by the two men, leaving he and Dumbledore quite alone.

"There is one small matter, Sirius." Dumbledore said, leaning forwards. "Voldemort has been, as far as we can tell, vanquished. This does not mean that his followers have been vanquished. The Dark sentiment is still alive and I do not believe you and the little one would be safe here."

"I figured as much." Sirius said, "I was thinking I could find a flat or small house somewhere in Notting Hill or somewhere like that. I could sell this place and -"

"I think, Sirius, that it is not just moving out of the neighbourhood that would be beneficial but... Out of the country." Dumbledore said, very delicately cutting Sirius off.

Sirius leaned back in his chair. "The country?"

"I have taken the liberty of securing a decently-sized apartment in Edinburgh where you and Harry would be quite safe and quite happy." Dumbledore said.

Sirius' eyebrows shot up, "_Scotland?!_"

* * *

Less than a week later, Sirius found himself pushing a tarp-covered pram through the rain along a cobblestone Edinburgh street. A rain-soaked scrap of paper with an address scrawled on it was crushed into the palm of his hand and every so often he would check it to make sure he was still on track. They passed a record store, a green grocer's and an Italian wine bar on the way to Number 15 Wainscott Road which Sirius had been told was built on top of a shop. When Sirius caught side of the bakery at the end of the road, he was quite pleased to realize the flat was built on the second floor. The excitement faded, however, when he realized that to get upstairs, he would have to pull the pram up a very narrow, rickety set of ancient stairs. With a heavy sigh, Sirius turned around and began jerking the stroller awkwardly up the staircase to excited cries from Harry.

When he finally sloughed off his soaked jacket and water-logged sneakers, he released the small, black-haired baby from his seat and set him down on the floor. Harry contented himself with sucking on his fist while Sirius took a look around. The flat was built over top of the bakery he had seen earlier and the decadent smell of chocolate was wafting up through the vents. If the rain wasn't threatening to tear the roof off the place, Sirius would have enjoyed the view of the street outside which featured a wide boulevard and, somewhere in the distance, a park. The flat itself had two bedrooms, a large kitchen and a rather cramped lavatory. Sirius' few belongings were set in boxes in the middle of the large sitting room and, swinging Harry up into his arms, he crossed over to the pile and began sorting.

It had cost almost everything he had to turn himself from an ex-convict bachelor into a prepared, single father of one. He had received the key to his Gringotts account in an unmarked envelope from a great horned owl a day or so after his meeting with Dumbledore, Mrs. Dursley and the Ministry men. He had shaken the envelope several times in hopes of finding some kind of note from Remus, whom he knew had sent the key, but when nothing had revealed itself he had thrown it in the trash.

From a bassinet to baby bottles, Sirius had spent a small fortune on Harry. The small amount of furniture he had brought with him from London was mostly stolen from his family's manor and would need a good deal of tinkering with to make presentable; the last thing he wanted was to sit down every day to eat and have to stare down at the Black Family crest emblazoned on the solid oak dining room table.

At around 4:00, after finally managing to quiet Harry down after he had woken rather violently from his nap, Sirius had swung him onto his hip and walked downstairs. He had shoved a woolen hat down over Harry's head, covering the rather prominent scar, as well as a matching woolen jumper Sirius had in a care package from Mrs. Weasley before they had left. The rain was still extraordinarily heavy and in the few steps it had taken him to go from the stairwell to the bakery door, he was almost completely soaked through again.

"Good afternoon!" a brown-haired man about his age in a baker's uniform called. He stepped around the counter as Sirius stepped in the door.

Sirius pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the rain off of Harry's face, who squawked in protest. He glanced over at the baker and nodded.

"Towel?" the man asked, rushing over towards Sirius and Harry.

"Thanks, "Sirius said, taking the fluffy white towel from him and set to rubbing Harry's shoulders vigorously with it.

"You're the new tenants?" he asked through a thick, northern Scottish accent. "Absolutely lovely to have someone new upstairs."

"Yes." Sirius smiled, idly noticing the streak of flour of the baker's eyebrow, "Just arrived this morning. Thought Harry and I would pop 'round for a bite to eat."

"From England?" he asked, stretching his finger out for Harry to grab.

"How did you guess?" Sirius asked with a small laugh, pulling the towel away from Harry as he had begun chewing on it.

"I have just the thing for you. Remind you of home." He smiled, placing his hand on Sirius' back and propelling them forwards to a table next to a large stack of french pastries. "You stay right here and I'll fix you right up."

Sirius smiled and watched him hurry off into the back kitchens. After the long trip, it was nice to be shown some hospitality. He sat Harry down a seat next to him and pulled the chair into the table so he couldn't reach over and knock the pastries over like he had been threatening to earlier.

"Orange pekoe. Smoked." the baker came back around the corner carrying a porcelain tea pot and a cup. "And only the finest apple juice for the young Sir."

Harry reached up eagerly for the sippy cup and Sirius took the lid off the tea pot, leaned over and inhaled. For a moment, Sirius was whisked back to late night cups of tea in the Hogwarts library, sipped at while poring over homework with James, Remus and Peter.

"Lovely, isn't it?" he asked, smiling as he watched Harry drink voraciously from the cup.

Sirius looked up, unsure about how he felt.

"How did you know exactly what I was looking for?" Sirius asked, feigning cheeriness.

"A worn and weary man always needs a cup of tea." he said, smiling. He took off his baker's cap and ruffled his hair.

"Worn and weary am I?" Sirius asked, with a small laugh.

"Not what I meant, Sir." he replied, leaning over to coo at Harry.

"Want to sit?" Sirius asked, realizing he had totally forgotten his manners.

"Oh! Would you mind?" the baker asked, "I do love babies."

"Make yourself comfortable." Sirius laughed.

"My name is Ainsley." he said, stretching his hand out to Sirius. "I'm an apprentice baker here."

"Sirius. And this is Harry." Sirius replied, shaking Ainsley's hand and motioning to Harry who was busy splashing his hands in a puddle he had somehow managed to extract from the cup.

"Sirius! What an unusual name." Ainsley smiled, reaching over and wiping the cup down with a cloth he had extracted from his apron. "Is Harry your son?"

Sirius chuckled to himself. "In a matter of speaking."

Ainsley looked up, his eyebrow raised, "In a matter of speaking?"

"I'm his godfather. I took him in after..." Sirius faltered slightly. "Well, after his parents died."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Ainsley said, reaching over and touching Sirius' wrist. "I'm a bit over-friendly sometimes. Over-curious."

"Oh, no!" Sirius said, "They died about a month ago. I'm just not used to saying it, is all."

"Well, you don't have to." Ainsley smiled, displaying a row of slightly uneven teeth. "I just heard the oven ding and you'll have your mouth so full you won't be able to talk at all."

Ainsley sprang to his feet and walked off once again towards the kitchen. Sirius reached over and rubbed the top of Harry's head over his hat. He hadn't expected to find someone so easy to talk to the first day he had arrived, but it was rather comforting.

When Ainsley returned with an enormous, flaky cornish pasty and a tray of animal biscuits, Sirius let out a deep groan. The smell was absolutely intoxicating.

"See? I'm a miracle worker." Ainsley said, grinning pleasantly as Sirius began to tear apart the pastry with his knife and fork.

"Oh, God." Sirius sighed, sinking deeper into his chair at the first bite. "This is incredible."

Sirius put a bit of meat and pastry onto Harry's plate and let him dig into it with his hands, munching away happily.

"Made it meself." Ainsley said proudly, reaching over to cut Harry's food up into smaller pieces.

"Thanks," Sirius laughed, watching Ainsley cutting the meat up into small bites. "I'm new to all of this."

"Not to worry. I was raised eldest of six." Ainsley smiled. "I'm an old hand at babies."

Harry chirped happily as Ainsley wiped his hands off with a cloth and began spoon-feeding him.

"That makes one of us." Sirius laughed. "Are you sure we're not distracting you from your work?"

"Ach, no." Ainsley said, winking at Sirius. "We're awfully slow on Sundays and, with the rain, nobody's going to come in. You're the second person all day."

Sirius laughed. "Well, happy to help business."

"I'm happy for you to help business." Ainsley laughed, a pleasant sort of full-throated chuckle that made Sirius smile. "Oh, but this is on me."

Sirius frowned. "Really?"

"Yes, of course! What kind of host would I be if I made my guests pay for their meal?" Ainsley asked, looking absolutely affronted. "You just have to promise to bring Harry to visit me every day."

Harry slapped his hands excitedly into his food in response.

"I think he'd like that." Sirius smiled, reaching over and sliding the plate away from Harry.

"Great," Ainsley said, getting to his feet and wiping his hands off on his apron. "Can I give you some danishes for breakfast tomorrow?"

Sirius grinned, "I _insist _on paying for those."

"Fine, but only because you twisted my arm." Ainsley said, winking at him again.

* * *

"Will you – Harry! - Come on now – Just - "

Sirius had filled the claw-footed tub in the small bathroom with a couple of inches of warm water about ten minutes ago and had plunked Harry down into it. Harry had become extremely sticky from their visit to the bakery and that, mixed with the expert way in which babies collected dirt and grime, had given Sirius no other choice but to bathe him. Sirius had found himself taking quite easily to waking up in the middle of the night to quiet Harry down after night terrors, and had taken well to naptime and mealtime, but bathtime was something completely different. It rarely ever ended with Sirius remaining fully dry.

He was kneeling with his shirtsleeves rolled up while holding Harry up in the water. With one hand he held Harry still while the other poured soapy water over him. The slippier he became, the more fun Harry seemed to be having. It was fifteen minutes later before Sirius had managed to succesfully remove the stickiness of apple juice and sugar from his hair. Sirius resolved that next time there would be no way to avoid getting into the tub with him.

Harry screamed as Sirius removed him from the water, wrapped him in the only towel he had managed to find and carried him into the bedroom. Sirius hadn't had time to build either his bed or Harry's bassinet and so it was the mattress on the floor for the both of them. Sirius set the squirmy baby down on the blankets and began rummaging around in the diaper bag for a spare nappy. He had caught Harry just as he was about to crawl back out into the sitting room and had swaddled him. The last thing Sirius wanted was to have to scrape poo off the carpet of their new flat.

Harry gurgled happily as Sirius tucked Harry in next to him on the mattress. He had read somewhere that babies shouldn't use pillows and so he had taken them off the bed completely. He sang quietly to Harry because he figured he should and waited for Harry to fall asleep. This was only the third night they had spent together and he was oddly grateful that Harry hadn't come to him straight after his parents' death. Sirius had been scared that Harry would have cried for James and Lily and he wasn't sure he would have been able to deal with it when he himself still cried for them.

As Harry snuffled and rubbed his eyes with his tiny hands, Sirius smiled. He could feel a lump rising in his throat and leaned his head down next to Harry's. Sirius let Harry hold onto his finger and shut his eyes, willing the tears to dry up. A week ago, he had been curled up in the corner of the most notorious wizarding prison in the world afraid that he would never see anyone he loved ever again. He had been almost certain that he would be charged with murder and sentenced to life in prison and the miracle that he had been released was not lost on him. He had been completely alone in the world and now, he would never be alone again.

He stroked the hair away from Harry's eyes and cursed under his breath as his eyes shot open again. When Harry began gurgling away again, Sirius groaned. _So close_. He began to sing again, off-tune, he was certain, and rubbed Harry's small, round belly. Harry began to settle down again and slowly, very slowly, drifted off to sleep. As quietly as he could, Sirius got to his feet and tip-toed out of the bedroom.

The flat looked rather cozy at night despite its emptiness. The overhead lights were rather faint and cast a warm golden glow across the beige walls and white carpet. Sirius still needed to unpack and push every piece of furniture into place. He had no idea how he would do this while having to watch Harry so his only option, he figured, was to work at night.

With a chipped mug of whiskey to keep up his strength, Sirius began to unpack. First he sorted through the baby boxes, of which there were three, and then the kitchen supplies, of which there was barely one. He had never been much of a cook, but he supposed that would have to change.

The monotony of the work drew his mind away from the fact that he was hundreds of miles away from anyone he knew and the fact that the only people he had loved in the world are either dead, or won't speak to him. It had only been a day after James and Lily had passed that he had been arrested and that was only a few days after he had... accused Remus of working for Voldemort. When he had found out it was Peter who had betrayed Lily and James, and not Remus, he had almost wanted to die.

The only person he had left, and the only reason he hadn't gone mad completely, was asleep in the other room and Sirius desperately did not want to wake him.


	2. The Hair Cut

Sirius woke to the muffled sounds of crying coming from the next room. He blinked slowly, the sun drifting in from the open window momentarily blinding him. He had fallen asleep on the incredibly over-ornamented divan he had taken from Black Manor and his neck had a terrible cramp.

"Coming!" Sirius called out, his voice hoarse with sleep.

Harry was screaming at the top of his lungs, waving his small hands and kicking his feet. This had been their ritual for the past couple days: At the crack of dawn, Harry would cry from the bedroom and wake Sirius up who would then stumble off towards the sound. When Sirius had broken Harry's bassinet while building it several nights ago, he had reconciled himself to the fact that he couldn't afford another and that they would have to sleep in the same bed. For the first night or so, Sirius and Harry had shared the bed, but after receiving a mouthful of baby feet one time too many times, he had set up camp in the sitting room.

Sirius scooped Harry up into his arms and bounced him up and down.

"There's a good boy." Sirius cooed, rubbing Harry's back.

Harry calmed down and then buried his face into Sirius' neck, leaving a gooey trail of bogies behind.

"Gross." Sirius grumbled, carrying Harry out into the sitting room. He set Harry down on the floor and began rummaging through the fridge. They had eaten at the bakery below for almost every meal since they had arrived and, while he loved pastries, he was starting to dream of vegetables.

"How about the grocery store?" Sirius asked Harry, crouching down and handing the baby part of a croissant left over from yesterday.

Harry didn't reply. Sirius wasn't surprised.

The sun was shining down for the first time since they had arrived and he felt the strong desire to go outside. If there was one thing he learned from Azkaban it was how to long for sunlight. After Harry had finished eating, he wrapped him up in the same hat and jumper from Mrs. Weasley and stuck him in the pram. Just as he had before, Harry laughed hysterically as Sirius slowly bumped the pram down the stairs, trying desperately not to lose control of it.

They passed by the bakery and Sirius stopped to look in the window. He could see several people inside as well as a stack of freshly-baked lemon tarts. When he saw Ainsley walk around from behind the counter, Sirius ducked out of sight and pushed the pram away down the street.

This was the first time he had made an attempt to leave the confines of their street. From what Ainsley had told him, this neighbourhood, Portobello, used to be a resort but was appropriated into Edinburgh sometime within the last century or so. The sea was quite close to their flat and Sirius imagined Harry would quite like splashing in the ocean when it warmed up in the summer; November in this part of Edinburgh had seemed, so far, very wet and very cold.

They meandered their way down the street and Sirius made it a mission to point out everything they passed to Harry. From dogs walking along next to them to seagulls, Sirius named them and sounded them out slowly in a way he assumed it would be easier for a one year-old to understand. To Harry's great delight, a team of ducks waddled across their path right before they turned into the green grocer's.

The grocer's was a new experience for Harry full of bright, extraordinary colours and shapes. Sirius had barely made it five feet into the store before Harry had lunged to grab a particularly delicious-looking grapefruit from a pile near the door. They were stopped once by a very large woman with an almost incomprehensible accent who insisted on giving Harry a bright pink lolly. Sirius thanked the lady grudgingly, but silently resolved himself to the fact that he would be scrubbing pink lolly out of Harry's hair later that night.

Sirius balanced various fruits and vegetables in the basket on his arm and took his time checking for ripeness and quality. He barely knew how to make grilled cheese and he found himself quite grateful for the fact that Harry was too young to realize his cooking would not be entirely up to par in the taste department. If the past couple days had been any indication, Harry would eat anything placed in front of him.

The walk through the grocery store finally ended when Sirius couldn't put anything more into his basket and as he walked towards the checkout counter, he realized that the small amount of muggle money Dumbledore had given him was even more confusing than he had originally thought. As he approached the cash register, Sirius found himself worrying about being able to get out without embarrassing himself. When the time finally came for the cashier to ring his food through, Sirius was a worried mess.

"Twenty pound thirty." the cashier said, smiling as she leaned over to look in the pram at Harry.

Sirius' hands were shaking slightly as he pulled the paper bills from the wallet in his back pocket.

"Um..." Sirius said quietly, painfully aware of the queue forming behind him.

"Not from around here are you?" the cashier asked, smacking her chewing gum loudly.

"Um, no." Sirius chuckled, placing a paper bill with a ten on it on the conveyor belt.

"One more of those, luv." the cashier said, leaning forward and tapping another one of the bills in Sirius' hand with her finger.

Sirius nodded and rested the note down. "Thirty, you said?"

Sirius pulled out a note with a 20 on it.

"Coins, luv." the cashier said patiently, opening her hand.

Sirius handed over the coins and she counted them out.

"There you go." the cashier smiled, handing back the change. "You want plastic?"

"Um, no, I brought my own." Sirius said, reaching into the basket under the pram and pulling out three canvas bags with 'Portobello Bakers' printed on them in broad gold letters.

The cashier filled them and handed them back to Sirius. "See you again, luv. Next!"

Sirius rushed out of the grocery store with the bags swinging from the handles of the pram.

"That was fun, wasn't it, Harry?" Sirius sighed, letting out a deep breath.

_I have to get this anxiety under control, _Sirius thought, his hands shaking as he pushed Harry back down the road towards the flat.

* * *

When Sirius had finally put the last head of lettuce into the crisper, he turned around to the sound of tapping coming from the window. Harry had fallen asleep in the pram and he had left him in the front hall for his nap. He was worried the sound might wake him up, but the boy's breathing didn't change at all.

Sirius was slightly shocked to see a bright white snowy owl tapping its beak expectantly against the glass. It had been quite a while since he had recieved a letter. He opened the window and the owel stepped gingerly inside, a tightly rolled scroll fixed to its leg. Sirius quickly grabbed an animal biscuit from the table and offered it to the owl after he had untied the letter. It hooted merrily and poised itself on the window sill, clearly waiting for a reply. When Sirius unfurled the parchment, he recognized Dumbledore's handwriting at once.

_Sirius,_

_I hope this letter finds you and Harry well. I am quite envious of your living arrangements – in my youth I lived in Paris over a patisserie. Please have a cherry tart for me when you find the time._

_I am writing to you with a message that may come as more of a surprise than a discussion of Parisian patisseries and I warn you that it may come as a bit of a shock. Remus Lupin was hospitalized over the weekend after a very severe transformation. He is in quite a bit of pain and has put you down as his next-of-kin._

Sirius lowered the letter slowly. Both Remus' parents had passed – his mother during their school years and his father only slightly after – but surely he had other family?

_Unfortunately, he is between living arrangements at the moment. And -_

"Homeless." Sirius muttered, frowning.

_- he is not fit to recover without someone to look after him. While I realize it may be quite difficult to deal with another mouth to feed right now, he has nobody else. _

_Please send your reply as soon as possible back with this owl. _

_Yours truly, _

_Albus._

_P.S: I've enclosed a small amount of muggle money to see you through; I very much doubt there is an exchange post near you._

Sirius put the parchment down on the table and covered his mouth with his hand. He had half a mind to write back to tell Dumbledore to find someone else, but the other half realized that no one would take him. How many people were likely to take in a destitute werewolf on short notice?

Sirius glanced over to Harry, asleep in the pram and covered in pastry crumbs.

He set to rummaging around in the various boxes still littered around the flat until he found a quill and ink. He flipped over the letter from Dumbledore and scrawled,

_How soon will he be here?_

* * *

"Something's got you down." Ainsley said, giving Harry a chunk of dough to play with.

"A... friend is coming to visit." Sirius said, rubbing his temples. "I haven't seen him in a long time."

"How long?" Ainsley asked, leaning against the counter and running his hands through his caramel brown hair.

"Two months." Sirius said. "Last time I saw him I accused him of... Basically a huge betrayal on my part."

Ainsley sighed. "Why's he coming then?"

Sirius took a sip of his cappuccino, "He's had an accident. He doesn't have anyone else to look after him."

Ainsley let out a low whistle and then pulled a large hunk of dough out of Harry's mouth. "He sure likes to put things in his mouth doesn't he?"

"He's incorrigible." Sirius sighed, "I think it's because he was half-starved where he was staying before I got him."

"Where was he before?" Ainsley asked.

He had found it very easy to talk to Ainsley. Sirius had come down to the bakery at least once a day, Harry in tow, just to talk to him. It was the simple way Ainsley asked about matters that seemed so complicated that drew answers out of him more easily than to anyone he had ever met. Even James, to whom he told everything, didn't hold the same persuasive personality. Sirius was also almost entirely certain that Ainsley was a muggle and the confirmation of that fact had been when Sirius had tentatively taken off Harry's hat. When Ainsley had only mentioned the scar's unusual shape and had said nothing about the Boy Who Lived or any other "bullshit name" Sirius had heard in the past months, Sirius knew Ainsley had no inkling of the world Sirius belonged to. So when Ainsley asked questions about his past, he had tried to simplify his answers into muggle terms. He had left out the parts about being tried for murder and being sent to prison, but other than that, Sirius had been quite honest with him.

"Aunt and uncle. His aunt is a piece of work, let me tell you." Sirius said, "after her sister died, Harry's mum, they were given immediate custody and she wanted to send him to foster care instead of letting me have him."

"Despicable. I'm sure Harry doesn't need to hear any more about it, though." Ainsley shook his head and leaned forwards on the counter. "So, tell me more about your mysterious, accident-prone friend."

"Remus?" Sirius scratched his chin. "He's a funny bloke. Bookish, smart, but unorganized and kind of prone to depression and melodrama."

"Sounds like fun." Ainsley grinned.

"Yeah, I dated him for two years." Sirius said, bringing the cappuccino to his lips and watching for Ainsley's reaction. When Ainsley didn't react, Sirius smiled. "I should know."

"Messy breakup, then? Big betrayal, you said?" Ainsley asked, taking the dough away from Harry and replacing it with a sippy cup full of juice.

"Very." Sirius sighed, swirling the foam around in his cup. "But I think it's good for Harry to meet him. He's quite good with children."

Ainsley stiffened slightly.

"He didn't have any siblings, though. Nobody can know more about children than those who grew up with them." Sirius added diplomatically.

Ainsley let out a small laugh and relaxed. He ruffled Harry's hair.

"When is this _Remus _coming in then?" Ainsley asked.

"Unsure. I haven't heard back yet." Sirius said, realizing suddenly that it might be extremely hard to explain if an owl returned with his reply and began pecking at the bakery windows.

"Then do you have time for another?" Ainsley asked, lifting Sirius' empty cup and wiggling his eyebrows in a way that caused Sirius to burst out in laughter.

"I might." Sirius smiled.

* * *

_Dearest Sirius,_

_I have heard word from St. Mungo's and the faculty says that an afternoon discharge would be the most convenient for all involved. I seem to recall finding you an apartment with a fire place? The floo network would be the best way to bring him through because of the distance._

_It might be best to give him the bed, Sirius, if you only have one. I have it on good authority that you took your mother's best chesterfield and for this, I am grateful. It was both an eyesore and looked extremely comfortable. Remind me to visit._

_Yours truly,_

_Albus._

Sirius set the letter down on the coffee table and began to pace madly back and forth across the sitting room. _Remus is coming tomorrow?_ Harry was asleep in the other room and there were preparations to be made. He needed a way to make Remus comfortable; after everything they had gone through he could do at least that for him. He set to frantically cleaning the apartment, starting first in the bathroom.

When he passed by the mirror, however, he realized what a fright he looked. He hadn't shaved in several days and he hadn't cut his hair since before Azkaban. He already had the scissors halfway to his hair before he realized what a stupid idea it would be to attempt to cut his hair in a bathroom with a mirror that was barely large enough to shave in. In a second, he had crossed the apartment, picked up the telephone and dialled tentatively. It had been quite a while since he had used a muggle telephone.

"Portobello Bakers, Ainsley MacEwan speaking!" a cheerful voice on the other end greeted him.

"Hey, do you want to do me a favour?"

"...Sirius?"

"Yeah. This is going to sound mad, but..." Sirius chuckled, "Do you want to come cut my hair for me?"

"Can't be bothered to pop round to the barber? I'm off in an hour. I'll come then." Ainsley laughed, " Why are you calling me from upstairs? Is Harry asleep?"

"Yeah. He's down for his nap. A bit later than I'd like, but... What are you gonna do?" Sirius said, leaning against the wall.

"He's going to be up all night." Ainsley chuckled. "6:00 is not nap time. You should have kept him awake until bed time."

Sirius sighed, "Thank you, Mother."

On the other end, Ainsley sighed back. "Be there around 7:00."

* * *

Sirius had left the door ajar and was elbows deep in boxes when Ainsley arrived. Sirius had almost managed to unpack everything. All that was left were a few odds and ends – pictures, mostly – that Sirius had been holding off on hanging up.

"Can I help?"

Sirius turned around and almost didn't recognize him out of his baker's uniform. Ainsley had let his shaggy hair down and was wearing a a jean jacket and a t-shirt advertising some muggle band he had never heard of tucked into a pair of ripped jeans. Sirius realized he was staring and looked away.

"Oh, no. Don't worry about it" Sirius smiled, straightening up. He felt quite out of place against the well dressed Ainsley. Much of the clothes he had brought with him were from the early 70's and were quite worn through and barely fit him; He was sure Ainsley had noticed, but, of course, he hadn't said much of anything besides cursory remarks about how skinny he was. "Harry's still asleep. I'm actually hoping he'll sleep through the night."

He kicked the photographs out of sight; the last thing he needed was to scare away his only friend by having to explain why his pictures were moving.

"Doubtful." Ainsley said, standing awkwardly in the middle of the sitting room. Sirius could tell Ainsley thought the decorations odd. Almost all of the furniture was in the Victorian style – dark, heavy wood inlaid with carving and covered in dark red velvet – but the rest of the apartment was a rather haphazard tossing-together of baby accoutrements, muggle books and records and a general feeling of disorder. "He'll be up sometime around 4:00 this morning and you will be quite awake with him."

"Always the harbinger of good news." Sirius said, shaking the hair away from his face and getting to his feet.

"About that hair, then." Ainsley said, eyeing Sirius with a mischievious smile.

"About that hair." Sirius sighed, crossing over to the bathroom to grab a pair of scissors and a towel.

"Where do you want to do this?" Ainsley asked.

"Probably right here." Sirius said, walking back into the kitchen and hopping up on the dark oak table.

"I don't know why you called _me_." Ainsley said, scooting in next to Sirius and draping the towel around his shoulders. "It's not like I know how to cut hair. I just bake cookies. Maybe the occasional loaf of bread, but even - "

"I just can't see the back." Sirius interrupted him. He had learned very quickly that Ainsley wasn't offended by interruptions; there would have been no way to have a two-sided conversation with him otherwise.

"How short?" Ainsley asked, tentatively gathering and smoothing down Sirius' long black hair halfway down his back.

Sirius relaxed slightly against Ainsley's hands. It had been quite a long time since anyone besides a goopy baby had voluntarily wanted to touch him.

"Shoulders, I would say." Sirius shrugged.

"I like it long." Ainsley said, experimentally folding Sirius' hair to see the length, "You don't see men with long hair much anymore. Died along with the 70's, I suppose."

"I like it long, too," Sirius said, "But I... I guess it's just a reminder of another time."

"Fair enough." Ainsley took up the scissors. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Sirius sighed, straightening up and steeling himself for the inevitable sound of scissors on hair.

After Ainsley had ceremoniously cut off the length of hair in his hand, he passed it to Sirius. "Do you want to keep it? You could braid it and put it in a box. My sister did that when she cut off her hair."

"No, not really." Sirius laughed, tossing it onto the linoleum floor of the kitchen.

"You're not much of a romantic." Ainsley sighed, chopping through the rest of the hair on a slightly lower level than his shoulders.

"Never have been." Sirius said, immediately feeling the weight lifting from his shoulders as hair began to drop to the floor.

They stood together for about fifteen minutes as Ainsley parted Sirius from the hair that was more a reminder of his former lifestyle than a stylistic statement. Sirius swung his legs absent-mindedly while Ainsley chatted away happily about how he had completely destroyed an entire batch of almondine croissants that afternoon and had to feed them to the neighbour's dog in order to not feel guilty about it. Sirius laughed along with Ainsley, but didn't say much. In the past, he had found talkative people obnoxious, but after the silence of the halls of Azkaban, Sirius found the chattiness more comforting than anything he had experienced in many months. Ainsley was someone who had totally missed the trials and horrors of the war he himself had so recently survived and he found it oddly comforting that in this world where he had lost so much, there was still someone who had so much to give.

As the setting sun began to cast pink and orange light into the apartment, Ainsley made his last cut.

"You could have gone longer, you know." Ainsley said, brushing hair gently off Sirius' shoulders.

Ainsley walked around in front of Sirius and swatted at his shoulders, shaking long black strands of hair onto the linoleum. Sirius gave Ainsley an apologetic look.

"I didn't want to cut it this short." Ainsley said, pouting slightly. He pulled a long white hair off of Sirius' black t-shirt. "You're awfully grey for a 21 year-old."

"Stress does that to you." Sirius said, taking it from Ainsley and looking it over. "I've been going grey since I was fifteen."

"Amazing."

Ainsley began to ruffle Sirius' hair with his hands, checking for uneven length and missed sections. Sirius bent his head back to look up at him and when he did, Ainsley smiled. He rested his hands in the hair at the back of Sirius' head.

"You have quite odd eyes, Sirius." Ainsley said, staring into Sirius' eyes with such a sense of innocent curiosity it made him laugh.

"Always the charmer." Sirius grinned, only just now noticing how similar Ainsley's eye colour was to his hair.

"I should let you get back to cleaning." Ainsley said, his voice soft.

"Should you?" Sirius asked, enjoying the sensation of the gentle movements of Ainsley's fingers in his hair.

Ainsley cleared his throat and dropped his hands from the back of Sirius' head. "If you don't mind, I'll just pop out. I'm afraid me room mates are expecting to me."

Sirius nodded maybe a bit too vigorously. He could feel heat creeping up his face and he rubbed at his arm awkwardly.

"Wouldn't want to keep them waiting." Sirius said, watching as Ainsley grabbed his jean jacket from the back of one of the dining chairs.

"No. Especially Alice." Ainsley sighed, shaking his head, "You'd swear she thought she was me mum! Just last week I was late for dinner and she hollered at me for a quarter of an hour!"

"Girlfriend?" Sirius asked, curiously. The awkwardness he had felt earlier was quickly disappearing. It was impossible to stay uncomfortable for long around him.

"Hardly." Ainsley shook his head. He swung his jacket over his shoulder and walked to the door. Sirius followed him and leaned against the doorframe as Ainsley stepped out into the stairwell. "I don't date girls. They talk too much."

Sirius shut the door behind him, locked it and wandered into the bedroom with a smile on his face.


	3. Forget-Me-Not

_Author's Note: Thank you all for your support! I'd like to just add that this chapter might upset those with a bit of a sensitive stomach – nothing major, but I thought that I should mention it. Happy reading!_

* * *

"He'll be here any moment and look at what you've done!" Sirius let out a deep sigh and slumped forward in his seat. Harry, who had been wearing a very nice grey and blue plaid shirt Sirius had bought at one of the local children's shops earlier that day, had just slopped quite a large amount of spaghetti sauce down his front. Sirius silently resolved himself to the fact that no matter what he did, there was no way this day was going to go well. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Sirius gathered Harry up into his arms - holding him slightly away from his body so as not to stain the only nice jumper he had managed to find - and plunked him down on the lavatory floor. He could hear the clock ticking over his head and, as he bent down to wipe Harry's hands and face, he could feel an uncomfortable mix of panic and nausea surging inside him. By the time he had managed to remove the worst of the orange stains from Harry's face, Sirius was beginning to feel as if he might throw up.

He hadn't been able to eat all day. The care package of baked goods Ainsley had delivered that morning hadn't sat well with him and the spaghetti he had made for lunch had only made it worse. Sirius had instead laid out the coconut snowballs, the chocolate tarts and the lemon squares daintily on his best plate and put it on the dining room table, but they still didn't look appealing. He hoped that Remus might be interested in them when he got here – if he ever did.

When the clock struck 4 o' clock, Sirius lunged for the toilet. Harry gave a surprised squawk as Sirius jumped past him, and crawled out into the hall as he threw up. He leaned over the toilet for a moment, dry heaving before getting slowly to his feet. He leaned his head out into the hallway and, seeing that Harry had managed to find a toy and not a stray knife or sharp piece of glass, he turned on the taps at the sink. He brushed his teeth quickly and then began vigorously slapping his face with ice cold water.

The minutes ticked by and soon Remus was over half an hour late. Sirius wandered out into the hallway, picked Harry up and went to sit on the couch in front of the fireplace trying to decide whether he would throw up again. His insides were churning, his palms were sweaty and he simply couldn't sit still. He hadn't seen Remus in over two months but it felt like years and that time had shown itself in the premature lines on Sirius' face and in the grey hairs at his temples.

"He's quite late, isn't he?" Sirius said, trying in vain to smooth Harry's wild black hair down.

Harry squealed and grabbed Sirius' nose in response.

Suddenly, the fireplace sprang to life. Great green flames burst into existence and Harry began wailing at the sudden fright. Sirius got quickly to his feet and bounced Harry on his hip, trying to get him to calm down. The thought crossed his mind that he might again be sick, but the sight of three figures emerging from the flames quelled the feeling.

"Sirius Black? My name is Nurse Nora Pratchett." said a severe-looking, middle-aged healer carrying a clipboard. She thrust the clipboard towards Sirius. "Please sign here, here and here."

"That's me." Sirius said, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. He took the pen she offered and awkwardly signed the page with the hand that wasn't secured around Harry.

Sirius didn't dare look up; he knew Remus was standing just behind her.

"Will you be alright here, Mr. Lupin?" said the other healer, a stocky man of younger years who was standing on the opposite side of the room.

"Quite alright, thank you."

Sirius took a deep breath, slowly exhaled, and looked up. He realized with a jolt that had this healer not told him who he was, he probably would not have recognized the man standing before him as Remus Lupin. This Remus was rail thin, and maybe it was the weight loss, but Sirius could have sworn he was taller, too. Tawny-blond hair hung in lank lengths around his face and the coat he was wearing looked as if it had been a doormat for the past twenty-five years. There was a thin layer of stubble across his cheeks and neck and dark blue circles under his eyes. He was leaning heavily on a cane.

"Hello, Sirius." Remus said, turning his electric blue eyes towards him.

_The eyes are the same at least, _Sirius said, fighting to find words.

"Hello." Sirius choked out. He was totally at a loss for words until he heard Harry gurgling away with his fist in his mouth. Sirius pulled the fist out and waggled it at Remus. "Say hello to your uncle Remus, Harry."

Remus looked quickly away and took the brown carpet bag the healers had brought for him. "Thank you for your time. I expect we shall call if anything is amiss."

Sirius swallowed hard and tucked Harry in closer to him.

"Several things to be aware of." Nurse Pratchett said, turning once again towards Sirius, "Mr. Lupin is not permitted to be out of doors or on his feet longer than necessary. There will be no visitors and you must please keep the child away for fear of infection."

Sirius felt slightly affronted and glanced down at Harry, "Infection? Madam, I assure you he's quite clean."

"For the child's sake. Not the patient's." the healer said coolly.

"Oh." Sirius said stupidly, watching as Remus eyed the pictures stuffed behind the chesterfield, an eyebrow raised. "Got it."

The male healer helped Remus into the bedroom and sat him down slowly on the edge of the bed. The female healer handed him a large sterile-looking white bag and was instructed on the usage of its contents. Bandages to be changed, serums to be administered, potions, salves... It was a good thing Sirius had a strong stomach. Normally.

"Alright then, Mr. Lupin?" the male healer asked again, before turning to leave.

"Alright." Remus said, his lips spreading in what Sirius imagined was supposed to be a smile.

"If you need us, please do not hesitate to contact us. Express owls and all that." Nurse Pratchett said as she stepped back into the fireplace.

Sirius watched as they both threw a handful of dirt into the grate (Sirius wondered idly how sanitary that practice was for those who were headed back to hospital) and disappeared in a pillar of green flame. Just as quickly as they had come, they were gone and Sirius realized with a dull jolt that he and Remus were alone save for a very young, very temperamental, baby. Sirius took a deep breath and rounded the corner to look into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry to impose on you like this." Remus said quietly as Sirius leaned against the doorframe. "I would not have asked if they had not insisted."

Remus' overly-formal tone disturbed him. "You know it's not a problem."

Remus nodded and swallowed hard. A silence fell between them so thick Sirius could almost feel it and he suspected Harry could feel it, too, because he began to squirm in his arms.

"Do you want to hold him?" Sirius asked after a moment.

"No." Remus said quickly. "I'm not supposed to hold him, remember?"

Sirius thought that a very poor excuse, but didn't say anything. He instead cleared his throat. "Would you like a pastry? We live over a bakery."

"I can smell it. It's quite strong, isn't it?" Remus said, still not looking up from his feet. "I'm not hungry, though."

"Well, you look half-starved." Sirius said. "Don't you think you should take care of yourself after what happened?"

"Don't." Remus said, closing his eyes. "Don't start, Sirius."

Sirius bristled slightly. "Are you going to tell me what happened at least?"

"Does it matter?" Remus asked, looking incredibly uncomfortable.

"Of course it matters." Sirius said, a little more sharply than he had expected. "Since when have your transformations hurt you this badly? The full moon was a week and a half ago. You're usually fine by now."

"I had pneumonia when I transformed." Remus said quickly, his eyes shooting up to look at Sirius. "And, apparently, that mixed with malnutrition is a very poor combination."

Sirius tightened his grip around Harry slightly, trying to stop the anger seething inside him from letting everything come pouring out at once. The anger, unfortunately, seemed to be winning.

"If you could put me down as your next of kin, why didn't you use the money I left with you to put yourself up somewhere, Remus? This bleeding heart, melodromatic tortured soul thing is getting a bit old and will be the death of you." Sirius snapped.

"I couldn't have touched that money, Sirius, and you know that!" Remus exclaimed.

"You bloody well could have, Remus. I left it in your name." Sirius said, his hands shaking so badly he leant over and put Harry down in the playpen at the foot of the bed.

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. "Don't think I can't read you like a book, Remus Lupin. I left you that money and I left you with the hope that you would look after him." Sirius motioned to Harry, "But you ran like a coward from your responsibilities. You do know that Harry was left with his muggle aunt and uncle to be neglected? You could have been there for him with the money I left, but look at you now. Too full of pride to look after yourself or the child of your best friend."

"How dare you." Remus said. When his voice quavered slightly, Sirius felt a small note of satisfaction. "How dare you insinuate that I didn't try. James was my best friend, too!"

"And I went to Azkaban for it!" Sirius yelled, banging his hand hard against the doorframe.

Harry burst into tears.

"Only after blaming me for ratting them out!" Remus finally broke, his voice a hoarse yell. "What kind of an idiot would you have to be to think I turned to the other side?"

"_You_ believed them when _I_ was thrown in jail! You suspected me just as much as I suspected you." Sirius yelled, picking Harry up out of the playpen and gathering him into his arms. "You didn't come visit me _once._"

"When do you think I found the time to pick up and head out to Azkaban to visit someone who thought me a traitor? When do you think I had time for anything between organizing James and Lily's funeral, being the executor on their will when everyone else on their list had died and trying to find a home for Harry?" Remus said, pulling himself to his feet. "When you had run off to take revenge on Peter like an imbecile I was the one talking to funeral directors. I was the one who found a place for Harry to go when you put yourself in the situation you did. If you hadn't gone after Peter none of this would have ever happened."

"At least I did something about their death besides hiding behind a pile of paperwork and pretending it was helping!" Sirius yelled. "And some home you found for Harry. You could have taken him as easily as they could have."

"Don't you realize I think about it everyday?" Remus yelled, stomping his foot in exasperation. "Do you think I wanted to leave everyone and my home behind?"

"Yes." Sirius said, his eyes narrowing. "That's exactly what I think you wanted."

Remus sat back down heavily on the bed, a coughing fit taking over.

Sirius stroked Harry's hair and whispered some reassuring words before turning to leave. "You've had a long day, Remus. You'd better get some fucking rest."

Before he realized what he was doing, he had wrapped Harry up in his coat and hat, stuck him in the pram and left the flat, the door slamming shut behind him.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up from trying not to drop the pram down the stairs and saw Ainsley standing at the bottom of the stairwell, a jacket slung around his shoulders and his baker's hat in his hand. A sudden rush of emotion came over him as Ainsley grabbed the bottom of the pram and helped him down the rest of the stairs.

"I heard all the commotion upstairs and so did some of the customers. We were all wondering what was up so I told them I'd go check but it looks like you're okay? How's Harry? I made some hot chocolate earlier and I think he would like it. Very creamy. The customers all said - "

Sirius pushed Ainsley up against the wall of the stairwell, out of sight from the street and pressed his lips against his, silencing him. They remained that way for a moment, Ainsley pulling Sirius in towards him - warm hands on his face, his neck and hands.

Sirius pulled away and, to his great delight, Ainsley had nothing to say.

* * *

"I knew it was a bad idea. I just didn't know it would be so explosive so quickly." Sirius said, kicking one of the stones along the rocky seaside he, Ainsley and Harry were wandering along.

They had wandered for half an hour before ultimately making it to the seaside. The sky was dark grey with what would surely be a winter storm and the ocean was the colour of slate. It was cold, but Ainsley had brought along a blanket for Harry. Ainsley and Sirius were walking slowly along the rocky shore, Harry in Ainsley's arms and Sirius beside them.

"You did say he was prone to drama." Ainsley sighed, turning Harry's collar up against the bitter wind.

"Very much so." Sirius sighed. "I honestly don't know how I'm going to go back in there. But I have to"

"Don't you worry." Ainsley said, "I'll come with you."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Will you?"

"If you think it would help. I'm a bit squeamish, though, so you can change his bandages and so on, and I'll stay in the sitting room with the wee bairn!" Ainsley said, grinning as he tickled Harry under the chin. Harry giggled happily and leaned his head against Ainsley's shoulder.

After the overwhelming combination of the stress of having to deal with Remus and the comfort of Ainsley's unrelenting cheerfulness, Sirius could feel a lump rising in his throat. He cleared his throat and, as if Ainsley could sense it, he reached over and laced his fingers through Sirius'.

"Now, what are you doing for Christmas" Ainsley said, changing the subject. He smoothed his thumb gently over the back of Sirius' hand.

"Christmas!" Sirius exclaimed. He had almost completely forgotten about it.

"Is it Harry's first Christmas?" Ainsley asked.

"No, it's his second." Sirius said, trying not to think about how different things had been a year ago. "The first with me, though."

"Why don't you come around to my place and let me take care of everything?" Ainsley asked, "I've quite a few room mates but I'm sure they wouldn't mind another pretty face at the table." Ainsley patted Harry's back and then turned to Sirius. "Oh, you're invited too, Sirius."

Sirius let out a laugh. "That would be great."

He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of Christmas. He was going to have to come up with the money to buy Harry some presents and, he thought miserably, he had no idea how it would happen when he was jobless, living off of meagre savings and now having to spread that money between three instead of two.

"Shall we head back?" Ainsley asked. "I will cook supper while you have a little chat with Remus. I think the clearer the air the better."

"The air between us has never been clear." Sirius sighed, rubbing his face with his free hand.

"Sounds like you're the dramatic one, to me." Ainsley said, clapping a hand over his heart. "Such a tortured soul."

"You have _no _idea." Sirius said, a small smile playing at his lips.

Ainsley swatted him.

* * *

"Remus?" Sirius called, stepping back into the apartment, his face bright red from the cold.

No answer.

"He's probably asleep." Ainsley said, stepping inside behind him.

"Let's hope." Sirius said, taking Harry from Ainsley and plunking him down in the sitting room amidst a sea of toys.

"You should talk to him." Ainsley said.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Ainsley, no."

"Yes." Ainsley said, smiling as he grabbed Sirius by the shoulders.

"You know, you are far too happy lall the time. It's scary." Sirius said, allowing himself to be shaken by the shoulders.

"Say you'll talk to him." Ainsley said.

"He's sleeping." Sirius said, barely suppressing laughter.

"Who's sleeping?"

Ainsley and Sirius spun around in unison as Remus came out of the bathroom, walking slowly forwards on his cane.

"Ainsley. Ainsley MacEwan." Ainsley walked forwards at once and held his hand out. "I work at the bakery downstairs."

"A pleasure." Remus nodded, "I have, however, just washed my hands so I wouldn't want to get you wet."

"Fair enough." Ainsley said, clapping his hands together. "I was going to make dinner. What do you fancy?"

Remus looked slightly taken aback and glanced quickly at Sirius. "If you work at a bakery I trust your better judgement."

"That's a clever fellow." Ainsley said, "Sirius, why don't you sit down while I put on a pot of tea and get started on dinner?"

Sirius turned his back to Remus and raised his eyebrows; Ainsley only smiled before wandering off towards the kitchen.

"Shall we?" Remus asked, motioning to the ridiculously out-of-place chesterfield in the middle of the sitting room.

Sirius sat on one end and Remus took the other. They both watched Harry play with a collection of assorted alphabet blocks he had bought from a muggle toy store before coming to Scotland.

"Look-"

"How -"

Sirius and Remus both spoke at the same time. They both sat in awkward silence for a moment before Remus extended his hand to Sirius, asking him to speak first.

"Look, Remus." Sirius began, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "What happened to us, between us, was..."

"Unspeakable?" Remus offered.

"Um, yes. That would be the appropriate word I believe." Sirius said, trying hard to see the Remus he once knew under the skeleton sitting in front of him. "I just - "

"Let's not speak of it then." Remus said, sounding slightly irritable as he turned to look away.

"Right." Sirius said, clearing his throat. "What were you going to say?"

"I was going to ask you how you got the baker from downstairs to come up here to cook you dinner." Remus said.

Sirius turned to look at Ainsley who was busy rummaging through the refrigerator. "You mean Ainsley?"

"Yes." Remus said.

"We became friends the first day I moved in here. He's an excellent cook." Sirius said, attempting to maintain his nonchalance.

"Is he?" Remus asked.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. He knew _exactly _what Remus was getting at.

"He is." Sirius said, crossing his arms. "He's the one who brought up the pastries on the table this morning."

"Fascinating." Remus said.

"What do you mean, _fascinating?"_ Sirius asked.

"I mean that it's fascinating. What do you think I mean?" Remus replied, crossing his legs.

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Ainsley called out to them.

"Who likes wine with dinner?" Ainsley asked, looking over his shoulder.

For the second time that day, Sirius wondered if Ainsley really could read minds.

"I wouldn't mind some, but I don't think we have any." Sirius said. "In fact, I know we don't."

"Don't be silly, Sirius. I brought me own." Ainsley grinned. "I know you can't be trusted to keep a stocked kitchen let alone cook a decent meal. I mean, look at this-" Ainsley pulled out a tupperware from the refrigerator "-an American chili made with _tatties?"_

Sirius couldn't help but laugh, "It might be."

"Dear God, the poor wee child." Ainsley sighed, motioning to Harry. "You'll need cooking lessons, you will."

Even Remus laughed.

Once again, Sirius was extremely thankful for Ainsley's unyielding sense of humour. Within minutes, he had both Remus and Sirius in stitches as he told them about a pair of American customers who simply couldn't understand that "tatties" were Scottish slang for potato. Sirius found himself slipping back into old patterns with Remus he had almost completely forgotten about – ways of speaking, inside jokes... It was almost as if nothing had ever happened between them.

"Ashetpan Pie, the infamous tatties and, of course, spinach for the more herbivorous among us." Ainsley said, placing a great, piping hot meat pie down on a trivet in the middle of the dining room table followed by a platter of mashed potatoes and a mass of steamed spinach. "Perfect for the cold weather. I usually save Ashetpan for Christmas, but seeing as it's a special occasion I couldn't resist."

Sirius was seated at the head of the table with Remus on his right hand side, Harry in his highchair on his left and Ainsley just next to the baby. Ainsley began to divvy up the pie and Sirius noticed with a small smile that Remus' was slightly larger than anyone else's. Ainsley insisted on feeding Harry and cut up the pie into small bite sized pieces. Harry, however, seemed more interested in spinach than in the meat.

"So what is it that you do, Remus?" Ainsley asked, spooning a small amount of spinach into Harry's mouth.

Sirius caught Ainsley's eye and shook his head ever so slightly. Ainsley ignored him.

"I'm a teaching assistant with the University of Edinburgh." Remus said, to Sirius' distinct surprise.

"Are you? How interesting. Which department?" Ainsley asked, ruffling his shaggy caramel hair away from his eyes.

"English." Remus said.

"I should have known. You _are_ the professor type." Ainsley smiled, gasping as Harry tossed a large fistful of meat onto the floor.

"Am I?" Remus laughed dryly, turning to look at Sirius.

"How are you enjoying your job?" Sirius asked meaningfully.

"I haven't started." Remus said casually. "As you know, Ainsley, I've only just come in from London. I was quite fascinated with Professor Arnold's research into Victorian floriography – the language of flowers, if you will. An associate of mine was able to secure me a job here with Professor Arnold in Edinburgh. It was only coincidence that it lined up with my accident. "

Sirius' eyebrows shot up. _Dumbledore._

"How perfectly fascinating." Ainsley said, pausing to think. "I must get you to tell me what my perfect flower would be."

"It can be easy to figure these things out," Remus said, "For instance, I've always fancied Sirius as a Rosa Canina – dog rose."

Sirius felt his stomach lurch in an extremely uncomfortable way.

"He's far too rugged to be a rose." Ainsley joked, knocking Sirius' knee under the table with his own, "Maybe a really black, thorny rose. Or a thistle."

Sirius laughed and knocked Ainsley's knee right back.

"So what do you think, Remus?" Ainsley asked, leaning forwards and striking a pose. "Am I a lily? A violet?"

"Probably a daffodil." Remus smiled, "Very cheerful flowers – full of life and colour."

"And odd looking, too." Sirius said, grinning mischievously at Ainsley.

"How rude." Ainsley laughed. "And Harry can be a Bell-of-Ireland to go with those pretty green eyes. And Remus can be a forget-me-not for his enchanting blue eyes. What a lovely posey we all will be."

Sirius and Remus exchanged a quick glance before looking back to their respective plates.

* * *

"Goodbye, Ainsley!" Remus called sleepily from the chesterfield, his head resting against the armrest.

Sirius walked Ainsley to the door, his face warm from the wine, the laughter and the good food. Harry had gone down to sleep about an hour before and snow was starting to fall outside.

"I feel bad sending you out in the snow." Sirius said, leaning against the doorframe as Ainsley stepped out into the stairwell. "Do you have far to go?"

"Not really." Ainsley said, tugging a green woolen hat down over his ears.

"Can I give you something to keep you warm?" Sirius asked, his head spinning slightly from the wine.

"What do you have in mind?" Ainsley asked, his cheeks bright red.

Sirius stepped out onto the landing, closing the door behind him. He bent over slightly and kissed Ainsley, soft and sweet.

"See you tomorrow, Sirius." Ainsley said, patting his hand against Sirius' face as he pulled away.

"See you then." Sirius smiled, watching Ainsley jog down the stairs and out into the snowstorm.

Sirius stepped back into the apartment, a smile fixed to his face.

"Let's get you to bed." Sirius said, walking over to Remus, who was curled up on the couch. "We've still got to change your bandages."

"Do we?" Remus asked sleepily, his long blond hair falling over his face as he looked up.

Sirius crouched down in front of Remus. "It would be best."

"You kissed him just then, didn't you?" Remus asked. Sirius found it impossible to read his expression.

"Yes." Sirius admitted, staring into Remus' vibrant blue eyes.

"Do you love him?" Remus asked.

"I..." Sirius trailed off. He did not know the answer. "He makes me happy. I feel happy for the first time in a long time."

Remus nodded and pulled himself to sitting. "That's good. You deserve to be happy."

Sirius felt the warm glow inside him start to fade.

"Let me help you." Sirius said his throat dry as he offered Remus his hand.

Remus' long, elegant fingers grasped his as he pulled himself to standing. He slung his arm around Remus' waist and helped him forward into the bedroom. In silence, he stood in front of Remus and helped him take off his coat (which Sirius sincerely hoped to burn) and then very carefully the threadbare green button-up shirt he was wearing underneath. Sirius let out a small gasp at the bruise that extended from Remus' shoulder down to his hip – black, blue and dark yellow. His ribs were wrapped in multiple layers of heavy white bandaging and he assumed that for the mostpart, this was what was making it so hard for him to move.

"Do you want me to..." Sirius trailed off, his hand hovering over the bandage.

Sirius was scared to touch him; he seemed so fragile. He was so thin he could count every one of Remus' vertebrae. The glow from earlier was completely destroyed.

"It's okay." Remus said, lifting his arm so Sirius could unwind the bandage. Dried blood coated the bandages as he got closer and closer to the skin. When he finally unwound the last wrap, Sirius clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Remus..." Sirius said, his voice catching in his throat before he could finish.

"I know." Remus said, looking away from Sirius.

"How did you survive?" Sirius asked, barely managing to force the words out.

"I didn't want to." Remus said, his voice barely more than a whisper.


	4. A New Hope

_Author's Note: I'm sorry for how long it's been since the last update, but I think you'll see why. This chapter is very long and was very hard to write for me because I had a hard time picking the right words. I hope you enjoy it._

* * *

Sirius found it very difficult to sleep that night. His thoughts were flying at about a thousand miles an hour and he had even tried sleeping as Padfoot to slow them down, but then it was the smells that had been absolutely overwhelming. The smell of the bakery, of the new apartment and of Harry he could handle – it was the smell of Remus he simply couldn't ignore. It was like being whisked back to a time that seemed like it had only existed in his dreams. It was unbearable.

He had instead slept on the same divan he had been sleeping on for the past week and a half. He was used to the constant crick in his neck by now and the odd way in which he had to curl himself up to fit. Morning came all too soon when he heard the first beginnings of muffled cries from the playpen he had pulled out into the sitting room so Remus could have the bedroom to himself.

"Baby's crying."

Sirius sat up and turned around to see Remus standing against the wall. Sirius had gone to sleep wearing only a pair of boxers and he instinctively grabbed a blanket to cover himself.

"Why do you always insist on sneaking up on me like that?" Sirius said, running a hand roughly over his face.

"I don't mean to." Remus shrugged. Sirius noted with satisfaction that his cheeks were starting to fill out again and a bit of colour had returned to his cheeks. "I suppose I'm just light on my feet."

"Apparently." Sirius sighed, getting to his feet and crossing over to where Harry was fussing. He scooped him out and rested him on his hip.

"There's a good baby." Sirius cooed, tickling Harry lightly under the chin.

"I've always wondered if babies would learn to speak more quickly if their parents, in turn, simply spoke to them in a normal tone of voice." Remus said, covering his mouth as he yawned.

"What would you prefer I say?" Sirius asked, adopting a posh London accent, "Oh yes, good show, Harry, old horse. Catch the cricket game last night, old boy?"

Remus laughed, "Not what I meant."

"I think it's physically impossible not to baby a baby." Sirius said, sighing as Harry yanked at the blanket and pulled it to the floor. Harry laughed in delight as Sirius shivered in the cold air.

"Don't you ever sleep with actual clothes on?" Remus asked.

"No." Sirius said shortly. Remus knew the answer to that question. Why ask a question he knew the answer to? He was starting to get tired of Remus constantly glossing over the glaringly large fact that they had been a couple for nearly three years. "You've slept with me hundreds of times; You should know."

Remus said nothing, which irritated Sirius even more than the obtuse questions. Sirius bounced Harry for a couple more seconds before looking over his shoulder at Remus.

"So we have a problem." Sirius said slowly. "We're almost completely out of money. I can't really afford to keep feeding all three of us on the money I have left."

"Well, you know I'll be starting work at the university soon." Remus frowned. "And forgive me, I do not mean to pry, but your uncle left you 25,000 galleons, did he not? Where did it all go?"

"Do you know what Harry costs in nappies, in clothes, and in food?" Sirius asked. "A good deal more than either of us, that's for sure. I spent almost everything I had on getting stuff for Harry before we moved up here."

"And a motorbike." Remus said.

Sirius sighed and turned around to look at Remus. "Don't pick now to start lecturing me on how to spend my inheritance. You did more than enough of that when we were younger."

"I didn't say a word, Sirius." Remus said steadily. "Now, look. Money shouldn't be a problem. Can't you write to Dumbledore?"

Sirius shook his head. "He's already given me more than the Order can afford. I'm pretty sure his idea of making sure Harry and I were looked after was sending us you. He set you up with a job, didn't he?"

"Yes, and, like I said, I will be starting work there within the next couple of days."

"But until then?" Sirius asked. "Until your first paycheque, what will we do?"

"We'll be fine." Remus said. "We always are. Doesn't Ainsley bring you pastries and sundry all the time, anyways?"

"I can't just rely on him to look after us." Sirius said.

"You are dating him, aren't you?" Remus asked.

Sirius clenched his jaw and held Harry a little closer. "No."

"Well, what were you doing last night, then?" Remus asked.

Sirius turned a deep shade of red. "None of your business."

"Sirius." Remus said, crossing his arms.

Sirius turned an even darker shade of red. "None of your business."

"You're dating." Remus shrugged. "People who are dating take care of one another."

Sirius opened his mouth to argue but he found he didn't know what to say. Remus had a tendency to say something and mean either nothing, exactly the opposite of what he meant or to mean ten things at the same time. This time was no different.

"They're supposed to." Sirius said meaningfully, letting his gaze rest on Remus a little longer than was necessary before brushing past Remus into the bedroom to get him and Harry dressed.

Remus didn't follow him.

After wrestling Harry into a miniature pair of jeans and t-shirt, Sirius got himself dressed. He shoved his shirt on a little more roughly than he intended and tore the sleeve slightly in the armpit. He sighed loudly, turning to the mirror to examine it.

"I can sew that if you want." Remus said from the doorway.

Sirius looked up. "There you are sneaking up on me again."

Remus chuckled. "You've gained weight. You look good, Padfoot."

Sirius felt as if his stomach had tied itself momentarily in a knot.

"Thanks." He replied, smoothing his shirt down. "Prison really takes the baby weight off of you."

"Well, it's coming back." Remus said.

Sirius marvelled quietly at the way an argument could still be forgotten between them an instant. He knew it was his temper that could get the better of him when Remus went after him and the best thing was to swallow it – to tuck it away. But Sirius liked to think that there was something about Azkaban that had seriously reduced his tolerance for bullshit.

"I'm glad. I looked like..." Sirius trailed off as he pulled the shirt back off over his head. "Like a convict."

"Amazing that." Remus said, playing with the handle on his cane.

"Isn't it?" Sirius said, forcing himself to smile.

Remus let out a small laugh. "What do you want to do today?"

"I would like to do what I do every day." Sirius said. "In the morning we go to the bakery. In the afternoon we run errands or go on a walk about the neighbourhood. In the evening we come home, have dinner, have a bath and go to bed."

"Since when have you become a creature of habit?" Remus asked.

"It's good for kids to live on a schedule - especially babies. I read it in a book Ainsley let me borrow." Sirius said. "Fosters good organizational skills."

"Well, at least one of us will have those." Remus said, looking over at Harry who had wrapped himself up in the duvet on the bed. "I'll come with you, but I'm not hungry for breakfast. I'll skip the bakery and meet up with you after."

"Remus, you're coming with us." Sirius said, unburrying Harry and carrying him out to the pram. "I want you to eat three meals a day. The healers said you had to."

Remus stood reluctantly by the door. "I would rather not."

"Put your coat on, Remus." Sirius said, handing Remus one of his old leather jackets casually. He had strategically misplaced Remus' old coat the other night. "You can wear this."

Remus looked at the coat as if it were diseased.

"Come on, they'll call you Professor Badass." Sirius said, tossing the coat at him. "If you don't come along Ainsley will be very disappointed. Plus I need someone to help me carry this bloody pram down the steps."

Sirius snapped Harry into place in the pram and turned around to look at Remus who looked, in Sirius' opinion, quite like a heroin addict. Remus may have gained a bit of weight, but not enough to be able to pull off that look.

The bakery was packed that morning and Sirius noted, to his great displeasure, that Ainsley was so busy he probably wouldn't be able to go with them out into town on his break. Sirius hadn't spent much time out alone with Remus since he had arrived and he wasn't exactly looking forward to it. Ainsley was a chatterbox and didn't seem to mind what he talked about and to whom which had made being around Remus infinitely easier. Sirius had somehow lost the ability to talk his way out of any situation over the past year and he found himself becoming steadily more self conscious and anxious when faced with uncomfortable social situations.

Finally, after about ten minutes of aimlessly wandering around the bakery inspecting fruit tarts and blueberry muffins, Sirius left Remus with Harry and the pram and cut the line to the front of the store.

"Sirius!" Ainsley grinned, looking up from the cake he was boxing up and smiled. "You know you can't just cut in line like that."

"We've been waiting to see you for ten minutes!" Sirius grinned, ignoring the loud complaining of an elderly lady behind him.

"And I reckon you can wait a little longer." Ainsley laughed.

"I don't want to." Sirius said, glancing meaningfully over at Remus.

"Ach, Sirius." Ainsley sighed, cutting a length of ribbon for the box. "I'm on the job until 4 o' clock today, probably later, and you know Christmas is coming. I can't take a break today."

Sirius let his head fall back and sighed loudly.

"What did I tell you about being a drama queen?" Ainsley chided, tapping Sirius on the shoulder to move him out of the way. He handed the old lady behind Sirius the boxed cake with an enormous smile which seemed to have caused the lady to have immediately forgotten Sirius' rudeness because she left a five pound tip in the cup on the counter.

"You have to eat sometime." Sirius said, groaning loudly as he was jostled out of the way by the lineup.

"No, _you_ have to eat." Ainsley said. He glanced over his shoulder into the kitchen quickly before turning back to Sirius. "That reminds me; I have something for you. Wait right here."

Ainsley sprinted off around the corner and came back a split second later with an enormous box.

"I'm not supposed to do this but it does my poor wee heart in to see you have to go to the greasy diner down the road for breakfast when I can give you something home cooked." Ainsley sighed, passing Sirius the box.

Sirius raised his eyebrows and allowed a couple bearing a small fortune's worth of custard-filled pastries ahead of him as he opened the box. It was full to bursting with cookies, tarts, strudels and baked goods of all varieties.

"You're going to get me in a lot of trouble one of these days, Sirius." Ainsley said with a laboured sigh.

"These are the oven rejects, aren't they?" Sirius grinned, noticing a large burnt section on the side of one of the muffins.

"You see right through me, don't you?" Ainsley smiled.

"I do." Sirius said.

He nearly leant in to give Ainsley a kiss, but, after taking another quick glance at the lineup, thought better of it.

"Can I see you tonight?" Ainsley asked.

Sirius nodded. "I can see you after your shift before Harry goes to bed."

"Can you see me _after_ Harry goes to bed?" Ainsley asked. "You have a permanent babysitter now, don't you?"

Sirius was oddly taken aback by the request. He had been so attached to Harry since he had been awarded custody that the concept of being around someone else without him was discomforting, especially when he had to leave him with Remus.

"I don't think Remus is ready to look after a baby." Sirius said, shifting from foot to foot.

Ainsley folded his arms and gave Sirius a very serious look. "If he's going to stay in your house and eat your food after you changed his bandages for a week straight then he can look after your son for a night."

Sirius felt a rush of emotion flooding over him and he was about to open his mouth to say something when Ainsley leaned forwards against the counter and leaned up on the tips of his toes.

"Remus!" Ainsley called across the bakery.

Every single pair of eyes turned to face the skinny, mousy-haired Remus in the far corner of the bakery.

"Yes?" Remus called back, his face turning bright red.

"Can you look after Harry tonight?" Ainsley said.

_Genius, _Sirius thought, letting out a laugh.

"Er, yes. I suppose I can." Remus said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Brilliant." Ainsley said, before turning back to Sirius. "I'll come get you at 7:30. Now get out of here before you get me into trouble with Chef."

Sirius nodded and walked off towards Remus, a huge smile spreading across his face.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Sirius whispered, closing the bedroom door behind him after having just put Harry down to sleep.

"Not too much." Remus said, looking up from where he was sitting at the dining room table. "I mean, he's already asleep, isn't he?"

"He is. If he wakes up, just pick him up and bounce him a bit in your arms." Sirius said. "He's a bit on the big side for it, but it's the only thing that seems to work. He's a heavy sleeper, though, you shouldn't have much of a problem."

Sirius had crossed over to the hallway and had begun to pull on his jacket, but before he did, he turned around again. "There's formula in the fridge if the bouncing doesn't work. Just run it under warm water – don't microwave it – and then test it on your wrist. _Then_ give it to him."

Remus nodded.

"And... Er... If you need anything I left Ainsley's telephone number on the counter." Sirius said, indicating the small yellow piece of paper he had taped over the sink.

"When will you be back?" Remus asked.

"Shouldn't be later than midnight." Sirius said. "I don't know what he has planned."

"You can stay out later, if you want to." Remus said.

Sirius was slightly taken aback. "Really?"

"Yeah. When was the last time you had a night alone with a friend?" Remus asked.

Once again, Sirius wasn't sure if this was a test.

"Since before..." Sirius trailed off. "Before Azkaban."

"Then go." Remus said. "I'll be fine. It's not like babies are much different than grindylows. Just give them the proper treatment and they won't bite."

Sirius frowned, and opened his mouth to argue, but realized he should probably just leave it alone.

"Is he coming to get you?" Remus asked, shuffling the papers in front of him.

"Yes." Sirius said, feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably.

The thought of leaving them behind had made Sirius extremely anxious all day. He didn't want to leave Harry for fear of being a bad parent and he didn't want to leave Remus alone for fear of... he wasn't exactly sure what. The rest of the day after leaving the bakery had gone relatively smoothly though his date with Ainsley was constantly in the back of his mind. It had been only the third day in a row that Remus had felt well enough to leave the house and so Sirius had decided to spend the day showing him around the village. It had begun to snow an hour into their sojourn and, as they wandered down the cobblestone streets, Sirius couldn't help but notice the way the snow tended to settle not in Remus' hair but in his eyelashes. He had had to remind himself not to knock the snow away, but to let it stay where it was. Snow was always better left untouched.

When the knock sounded at the door, Sirius jumped about a mile into the air. It took a moment and a loud throat-clearing from Remus to get a hold of himself, though he still felt quite sure that he may be sick at any moment.

"Well, come on, then, Sirius! Your chariot awaits." Ainsley grinned when Sirius found the wherewithal to open the door. He stuck his head into the apartment and waved cheerily at Remus. "All right then, Remus?"

"Hello, Ainsley." Remus raised a hand in greeting. "Quiet, please, the baby is sleeping."

Ainsley clapped a hand over his mouth in such a look of exaggerated shock Sirius had to laugh.

"I'll be right down, Ainsley." Sirius smiled.

Ainsley nodded and jogged down the steps.

"Well, thanks, Remus." Sirius said, taking his time as he pulled his shoes on. "I'll see you sometime tonight."

"Don't hurry back." Remus said slightly stiffly as he turned away from Sirius back to his papers.

"Have a good night, okay?" Sirius said, lingering at the doorway as he stared at the back of Remus' head.

"You too, Sirius." Remus said as he dipped his quill into a pot of ink and began to scribble away. "I'll lock the door after you."

With a great degree of will power, Sirius stepped out onto the landing and closed the door behind him.

* * *

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked, climbing into the backseat of the taxi after Ainsley.

"I thought we would go to my house." Ainsley grinned. "But I absolutely could not allow you to walk. A good-looking man like you simply wouldn't be safe on these streets at night."

"You would know, would you?" Sirius laughed, picking nervously at the hem of the button-up shirt he had managed to dig out of one of the many boxes he had brought from Black Manor.

"I would. I'm a certain connoisseur of good-looking men." Ainsley grinned, swinging an arm casually around Sirius' shoulders and ignoring the disapproving grunt from the taxi driver.

Sirius was already feeling anxious enough about leaving home, but the knowledge that the driver was silently judging him only made things worse. He shrugged slightly out from under Ainsley's arm and cleared his throat. Sirius could tell Ainsley noticed and it only made him feel worse.

"It would have been a lovely night for a walk." Sirius forced himself to say something. "First snow for the past little while."

"Look, Sirius, I know you're nervous but do we really have to talk about the weather?" Ainsley said with a smile, elbowing Sirius light-heartedly in the ribs.

"I'm not nervous." Sirius said, smiling brightly.

"What a liar!" Ainsley laughed, tossing his head back and speaking to the roof of the cab. "O God, what have I done to deserve such a silver-tongued devil!"

Sirius let out a genuine laugh and pushed Ainsley playfully. "You're terrible."

"Anywhere along here is fine." Ainsley said to the driver as they turned down a very narrow street before turning back to Sirius. "I'll have you know I'm paying for the taxi so I think that makes you the liar and the terrible one."

Sirius laughed and felt the anxiety start to fade.

The taxi pulled up in front of a small two-storey home with a large front yard. Snow dusted the faded green grass and a row of what once were surely vibrant rose bushes sat brown and frost-bitten underneath the wide picture windows. It was small, but someone had obviously taken quite a bit of care in its upkeep. When Ainsley opened the door to the taxi for him and asked him not to walk on the grass, Sirius knew exactly who was responsible for the immaculate gardening.

"I know it's not much," Ainsley said as he unlocked the front door. "But it's my little piece o' home."

"I love it." Sirius said. Ainsley smiled.

Inside the house it was clear that at least four other people lived with him. Shoes were strewn across the front hall and coats littered everything from the small bench in the foyer to the coat and hat racks.

"How many room mates?" Sirius asked, handing his coat to Ainsley who had stretched his hand out for it expectantly.

"Five." Ainsley said. "Two of whom are never home and three who spend most of their time at the university. Nobody is home tonight, though, which is fortuitous."

Sirius carefully navigated the sea of shoes and followed Ainsley up the stairs. At the top of the stairs was a long hallway and Ainsley opened the first door, which was clearly his room. It was quite a large bedroom for such a small house and it was home to a couch that folded into a bed, a dresser, a desk and a large television set, though the floor was rather messy. The walls were plastered with posters of all kinds – from American pop artists to English punk bands and even a tiny ABBA poster tucked in next to the television.

"Sorry about the mess." Ainsley sighed, kicking aside a stray t-shirt and walking over to the television set.

"I really don't mind." Sirius said, taking a seat on the couch and tucking his legs up underneath him.

"That's good because you'll have to get used to it." Ainsley knelt down in front of the entertainment unit and began rifling through a milk crate full of VHS tapes. "My mother unfortunately spoiled all of us rotten and we never had to clean anything at all. In fact, I was probably twelve before I even had to do the dishes by hand and that was only because our dishwasher broke and - "

"I'm the same way." Sirius interrupted with a laugh. "When I was at home I had servants to clean my messes for me and I spent seven years at... boarding school where people cleaned up after me, too."

"Ah. Rich parents – I remember you telling me." Ainsley smiled, pulling out a rather battered tape from the pile. "Now, I know you're not much of a Hollywood fan, but I absolutely _must _show you this film."

Sirius had only ever seen muggle film twice before in his life, and both times had been with Remus – _Casablanca _and _Gone With the Wind. _They had been colourless and set in a time long past. Sirius had enjoyed them, but not nearly as much as Remus had.

"Which film?" Sirius asked, running his hands roughly through his hair to shake the memory.

"It's called..." Ainsley sweeped his hands dramatically in the air, "Star Wars! It's absolutely my favourite film. It has space cowboys and aliens and lasers and drama and romance... Simply the best."

Sirius shrugged. "Never heard of it, but I am willing to do anything you want."

"Brilliant. You'll love it." Ainsley said, doing something with a mechanical box Sirius trusted Ainsley knew what to do with. "The latest film came out last year in America and we have to wait two more years for the third."

As the television sprang into life, Ainsley rushed over excitedly and shooed Sirius to his feet. "I'll pull it out flat so it's more comfortable to lie on."

Ainsley quickly flopped the bed down horizontally so they could both sit on it comfortably. Ainsley grabbed the pillows and several large quilts from the ground and tossed them on. After motioning for Sirius to join him, Ainsley crawled under the blankets and leaned up against the wall. If Ainsley hadn't been so intently excited about the film, Sirius may have thought Ainsley had an ulterior motive but seeing as Ainsley couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen, Sirius crawled into the bed next to him. Besides putting his arm around Sirius' shoulders, however, Ainsley didn't move at all. Sirius felt himself melt against Ainsley and he rested his head on his shoulder as the movie started.

As the movie progressed, Sirius felt his mind wandering back home. He kept glancing up at the clock to watch as it ticked slowly from 8:00 to 8:30 to 9:00... As 9:30 came up on him, he started to wonder if Remus and Harry were alright. Ainsley didn't seem to have a telephone in his room and the film was quite loud – was it possible he had missed a call from them? Sirius found it increasingly difficult to pay attention and he was starting to feel badly for not giving his whole attention to the date he was supposed to be on.

"Ainsley?" Sirius asked quietly after managing to work up the courage to say something.

"Yes?" Ainsley asked, tearing his eyes away from the screen and down to Sirius'.

Their eyes locked and before Sirius could say that all he wanted was to use the phone, Ainsley had kissed him.

It had been an extraordinarily long time since he had felt anything like this. The combination of Ainsley's lips moving gently against his and the warmth from the body contact was intoxicating and, for a moment, Sirius forgot all about home. After several minutes of soft, careful kisses, Ainsley laid down and pulled Sirius down with him. The change in position brought him suddenly back to his senses and to the realization that he was indulging in something he didn't think he deserved came crashing back to him. As their bodies pressed together, Sirius felt his heart begin to race and could feel the blood rush in his ears. Sirius was torn between staying here and forgetting everything that had happened to him in the past month and running – running so far nobody could ever find him. Ainsley slid his hands up under Sirius' shirt and against the smooth skin of his chest and stomach. Sirius had been deprived of human contact for so long, of sex and love for so long, that the mere touch of Ainsley's hands against his skin set every nerve in his body on fire.

When Ainsley finally pulled his shirt off over his head and dropped it to the ground, he turned to Sirius and moved to take off his.

"Do you want to do this?" Ainsley asked as he laid hot kisses against Sirius' throat.

"Yes." Sirius said, hands moving against Ainsley's soft, caramel-coloured hair.

"Seriously," Ainsley said, moving Sirius' hands away. "Are you ready for this? Are we ready for this?"

"Yes, Ainsley." Sirius smiled, fighting to keep the irritation out of his voice. He knew Ainsley meant well but the last thing he wanted to do was talk when he was so conflicted. He barely knew what he wanted let alone what was best for... _them. _All he knew was that the last time he had slept with someone it had been with Remus and it had been angry, desperate... And Sirius craved the gentle, loving touches Ainsley was giving him more than anything, though he felt incredibly guilty for it.

Sirius stroked his hand gently along the side of Ainsley's face and smiled. "I'm ready."

"But with... Remus and everything at your place, you're sure it's not too soon?" Ainsley asked.

Sirius frowned. "I really don't want to think about Remus right now."

"Okay, you don't have to." Ainsley said, placing his hands on Sirius' face. "I just don't want us to move too quickly, is all."

"Look, Ainsley." Sirius said, exasperated. "Remus and I had a messy breakup. I went... I've gone through hell since we broke up and you're the first person who has wanted to touch me in all that time. I'm more than ready, Ainsley. I need this."

"Do you _want_ this?" Ainsley asked, pulling Sirius back down towards him.

"Yes." Sirius whispered, trying to pretend his mind wasn't elsewhere.

* * *

Even before Sirius had walked up the steps, he knew Remus hadn't gone to bed. The soft glow of lamplight picked out the silhouette of his mother's old, lace curtains and within, Sirius could just barely see into the apartment. It had snowed quite heavily in the several hours since he had left and his footsteps crunched against the pale blanket of frost on the steps up to the door. Sirius could feel apprehension growing with every step and by the time he had slipped the key silently into the lock on the door, he wasn't sure he could face Remus at all. Remus had been his first and, until recently, his last. The taste in his mouth which had only a few hours ago been so sweet had turned sour and as Sirius stepped into the apartment, hair dripping wet from the long walk home through the snow, he couldn't bear to look at Remus whom he knew would be waiting for him just inside.

Sirius was right – Remus was standing in the front hall, his cane left behind somewhere in the sitting room. Their eyes locked.

"Oh, Sirius." Remus said quietly, his voice breaking on the last syllable.

Sirius could feel the tears coming before he had the chance to say anything and the distance between them closed so quickly he didn't have a chance to stop that, either. Remus enclosed him in his arms so tightly he could barely breathe. He buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck, shut his eyes and sobbed. At some point, Sirius' knees gave out underneath him and they sunk down together against the back of the door, arms and legs tangled together in the sort of embrace only true grief warrants. Sirius lost track for whom he was crying. Was it for himself, who had gone through the loss of every friend he had ever had, every family member he had ever loved and the one true love he had ever held? Was it for Remus, who had given everything up in the name of grief and who, just like Sirius, had believed that all his friends were either dead or had betrayed him? Or was it for the loss of the love he had felt for him? Was it for Harry, whom he loved like nobody he had ever loved before but was so scared of failing? It was quite a while before Sirius realized it didn't matter anymore.

It was Sirius who finally pulled away from Remus' shoulder, eyes swollen and puffy. He glanced up at Remus who had been crying, too, though Sirius hadn't noticed at first. It was a very rare occasion when Remus showed any emotion at all and Sirius remembered savouring these moments when they were together – the most challenging times were often the only times he could ever truly get a glimpse of what was going on beneath his placid exterior.

"I'm sorry." Sirius choked out, shutting his eyes and leaning his head back against the coldness of the door.

"You don't have to say it, Sirius." Remus whispered, tucking a loose strand of jet black hair behind Sirius' ear. "I think it's been coming to this for a long time."

"I've been a total ass." Sirius said, leaning his cheek against Remus' hand. "We've done nothing but fight since you got here."

"I should have trusted you." Remus replied. "I felt guilty for not having believed you when it mattered and I lashed out at you when I was forced to come here."

"_I _should have trusted you." Sirius said, sniffing hard. "It's my fault any of this ever happened."

"War is a terrible thing." Remus said quietly. "It tears people apart. I think we thought we were all so strong, so invincible, that nothing could ever get past our defences. What we least expected was someone from within to break them down."

"We lost everything." Sirius said, choking on another sob.

"Not everything." Remus said, shaking his head. "We have what little is left of our sanity. We have what little is left of our health. We have Harry."

"Harry." Sirius said, a rush of warmth filling him at the thought of the perfect sleeping baby in the next room over.

"He's your son, Sirius." Remus said, smiling weakly. "He's going to be your happiness. He's all that we have left of James. Of the old times. Of times when nothing could bring us down."

Sirius nodded and stared up at the ceiling, the tears finally ceasing.

"Let's get you to bed, okay?" Remus said gently, getting slowly to his feet. "Dry your tears. The fighting is finally over, Sirius – we won. We don't have to fight each another now, too."


	5. Aguamenti

_Author's Note: Hey everyone! So a couple of you left enormous reviews last chapter and I am so grateful for your feedback. There was one guest, "Coja", I believe, who left a review but it either got deleted or something happened to it because I never got to read the whole thing. So thank you for that review! After last chapter I thought I would tone things down a little bit – well, maybe only slightly. Enjoy!_

* * *

"Look, it really isn't a big deal, Sirius." Remus sighed.

"Of _course _it's a big deal." Sirius said, swinging Harry into Remus' arms while he finished wiping the table down after breakfast.

Remus tucked Harry more comfortably into his arms and leaned against the wall, "Classes aren't even starting again until January. I'm just going in to do clerical work. It's not like I'm going to be teaching or anything."

Sirius straightened up and tossed the rag onto the kitchen counter. "It's still your first day of work."

"Maybe so." Remus shrugged, yelping as Harry grabbed his ear rather vigorously and pulled hard.

"Harry!" Sirius and Remus exclaimed in unison.

The black-haired baby released Remus' ear and giggled.

Things had been far more relaxed between them since the night after he had returned from Ainsley's a week ago. Sirius had moved back into the bedroom with Remus and Harry, though he had been sleeping as Padfoot under Harry's crib instead of on the bed. Sirius had been spending afternoons with Ainsley in the bakery, but he found that he had never been able to fully give Ainsley his whole attention when he was constantly preoccupied with what Remus and the baby were up to upstairs.

Sirius had become a creature of habit; he had fallen into a comfortable routine with Remus that only a couple weeks ago he had never dreamed was possible. Of course, they still had their share of arguments – mostly about how they would be able to afford to feed them all that week or who was to blame for not rinsing the sink after shaving – but it was nothing compared to the excruciating tension they had gone through in the earlier days of Remus' arrival.

"What are you going to do here all day by yourself?" Remus asked, smiling slightly as Harry curled in and laid his head against Remus' shoulder.

"I hadn't really given it a thought." Sirius lied, running a hand roughly against the back of his neck. He had tried not to be jealous of Remus going out to work while he stayed at home looking after the baby but it hadn't entirely worked out – idleness had never been something Sirius did well. In the early days after leaving Hogwarts, Sirius had entertained the idea of becoming a healer and had even started to look into taking classes but the war had ended those dreams fairly quickly. The Order, his only family, had needed him more.

"You know, I overheard one of the regulars at the bakery talking about a playgroup for babies Harry's age." Remus said.

Sirius tried very hard not to roll his eyes. "Remus, no."

"Why not? He needs socialization." Remus said. "The only people he ever sees are you, me and Ainsley. At the rate we're going, he'll be a bookish chatterbox with a penchant for melodrama and for Black Sabbath."

"Ah, yes. I see the problem." Sirius said, striding towards Remus and stroking Harry's head. "I figured I'd raise him as more of a Deep Purple fan, anyways."

"Be serious." Remus sighed.

Sirius grinned and opened his mouth to say something, but Remus slapped his free hand over it.

"Don't you _dare _say 'I _am _Sirius'" Remus laughed. "That got old in second year."

Sirius licked Remus' hand and Remus pulled it away with such a look of disgust that Sirius burst out laughing.

"Get out of here." Sirius said, finally getting the laughter under control and wiping a tear away from his eye. "You're going to be late for Professor What's-His-Name."

Remus handed Harry back to Sirius, grabbed his worn, brown briefcase from next to the door and stepped out onto the landing.

"Don't hurry back." Sirius said, watching as Remus walked down the steps.

"I'll see if I can bring something back for dinner." Remus called just before he disappeared from view.

As the door closed behind him, Sirius glanced down at Harry. He had absolutely no idea what to do with him now that they were alone; he had become so accustomed to Remus' presence that he found it disturbing to go without him. The one thing he knew he absolutely was not going to do was to go to a playgroup.

* * *

"You know, you really _should _go to that playgroup." Ainsley said, dumping out a bucket of Duplo onto the ground in front of Harry.

Sirius groaned and sunk down in his seat and writhed his way down onto the floor next to them. "You sound just like Remus."

"Well, I have to admit he's right." Ainsley shrugged, ignoring Sirius' dramatic display. "You know there are also some daycares and preschools around here that would be happy to take him."

"You forget that we have no money." Sirius said, lying flat on his back next to Harry and staring up at the apartment's cieling.

"That is a problem." Ainsley said, watching as Harry began piling blocks onto Sirius' chest. "But something has to be done. He's going to start talking soon and his first word is going to be 'fuck' if you're not careful."

"I don't see how other kids will cure him of that." Sirius said as Harry balanced a large blue piece on his forehead. "Other kids are little shits."

"See what I mean?" Ainsley sighed, covering Harry's ears.

"Kids are mean." Sirius said, simply. "I should know. I was a mean kid."

"I doubt that." Ainsley smiled.

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh. "I'm cured now."

"Well, I'm sure the kids you were mean to deserved it?" Ainsley offered, leaning back against the sofa.

Harry smashed a yellow block against the blue one on Sirius' face and he let out a loud yelp.

"Oh, good job, Harry!" Ainsley gasped. "Look, he's put two blocks together!"

"Yeah, on my face!" Sirius groaned, reaching up to feel if there was a dent in his forehead.

"This is progress." Ainsley said, ruffling Harry's hair happily. "He's learning!"

"Yeah, he's well on his way to becoming a murderer." Sirius grumbled, moving Harry's tower down from his face and next to him onto the carpet. "Don't congratulate him for hurting me, you psychopath."

"You know he'll be cured of that by joining a playgroup." Ainsley grinned, leaning over and planting a kiss first on the top of Harry's head and then on Sirius' mouth.

"Lunchtime?" Sirius asked, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Probably a good idea." Ainsley said, getting to his feet. "You brought over that baby cereal, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm thinking I really should be giving him more solids." Sirius sighed, jumping to his feet and heading into the kitchen.

Ainsley grabbed Harry and put him on the sofa with several of his blocks before following Sirius.

"I think I have some left over veggies from my dinner last night?" Ainsley offered, leaning into the refrigerator.

Sirius had brought over a large lunchbox with a tupperware full of premixed cereal for Harry. He popped open the lid and held it open for Ainsley's vegetables.

"Do you think he likes mushrooms?" Ainsley asked, sniffing the contents of the container before dumping it onto the cereal.

"I think he's a baby and doesn't particularly care." Sirius said, popping it into the microwave.

"That's not true." Ainsley said, leaning against the counter. "Babies _definitely _know what they do and don't like. My sister, Elaine, threw up every time I fed her carrots. She's eleven now and still can't touch them and it drives my poor old mum absolutely insane. Who's ever heard of someone who doesn't like carrots?"

Sirius moved forwards and wrapped his arms around Ainsley's waist. He leaned forwards and kissed him. "You're so good with children."

"Raised half of my siblings by myself." Ainsley said, tracing his hands up and down Sirius' back. "My parents weren't exactly the most attentive."

Sirius didn't know exactly what to say, so he pressed his lips to Ainsley's again. They stayed like that for about a minute, sharing soft kisses before Sirius pulled away. He opened his mouth to say something, but the loud sound of crashing from the living room stopped his heart. At once, they sprang apart from one another and ran into the living room.

Harry was screaming at the top of his lungs and had very evidently toppled from the sofa and hit his head on the side of the coffee table. A fairly small bright red cut had opened over his right eye and a drop of blood was trickling slowly down his cheek.

"How could I be so stupid?" Ainsley began rambling to himself as he got to his knees in front of Harry. "You _never _leave a baby alone! What was I thinking..."

Sirius, on the other hand, had sprang to his feet and ran to his knapsack in the front hall. He pulled out his wand and within seconds was back with Harry and Ainsley. He made the decision in a split second and before Ainsley had the chance to say anything, Sirius pointed the wand at Harry's forehead and muttered, "_Episkey_."

The wound knotted together before their eyes and Ainsley let out a cry of shock and scrambled backwards as quickly as he could.

"What did you just do?" Ainsley exclaimed, his eyes as wide.

"_Tergeo._" Sirius said again, holding Harry's face still in one hand and pointing his wand at the trail of blood – which promptly disappeared – with the other.

Sirius could hear his heart hammering in his ears as he gathered Harry into his arms and turned to Ainsley who was sitting halfway across the living room with his hand clasped firmly over his mouth.

"Ainsley..." Sirius began.

"What the _hell_ did you just do?" Ainsley asked, his voice quiet.

"Look, maybe I should have told you earlier..." Sirius began, rubbing Harry's back as he stopped crying.

"Told me _what, _Sirius?" Ainsley asked, "That you can magically heal wounds with a stick?"

"Well... Yes." Sirius said. "I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm..."

"I don't know if anything can get more ridiculous than what you just did." Ainsley said.

"I'm a wizard." Sirius confessed. "And Harry is, too."

"Harry is a _baby_ and you are _out of your_ _mind_." Ainsley said with a derisive laugh, getting to his feet.

"Well, maybe he hasn't shown any real signs yet besides having made a spider explode last week after it got too close, but yeah." Sirius said, realizing how stupid the words sounded only just after they had left his mouth. "We're both wizards."

"You're telling me that Harry made a spider explode." Ainsley said slowly, starting to pace back and forth in front of the fireplace.

"Look, Ainsley," Sirius said, walking forwards and reaching out a hand to grab him by the arm. "Do you trust me?"

Ainsley stopped and looked up into Sirius' eyes, "I'm not so sure."

"Just come with me. Let me show you." Sirius said calmly, extending Ainsley his hand.

* * *

"What do you want to see? I can do pretty much anything." Sirius said, standing with a very reluctant Ainsley by the frozen seaside.

"Anything?" Ainsley asked, his arms crossed and his teeth chattering. "I don't know. Amaze me. I don't see why we had to come all the way out here."

Sirius handed Harry to Ainsley and faced a rather large boulder several feet away from him. He took a quick, cursory glance around the seaside to see if anyone was there and whirled his wand around over his head quickly before saying, "_Confringo!"_

The boulder exploded outwards away from them and several shards punctured the icy shoreline and sunk into the frozen depths.

"That's why." Sirius said. "Can't have anybody seeing exploding boulders or everyone will want one."

"Cor." Ainsley said in amazement. "How did you do that?"

"I keep telling you – magic." Sirius said, shrugging. "Watch this."

Sirius pointed his wand into the air and cried, "_Avis!"_

A flock of bluebirds shot forth from his wand and flew in a small circle around Ainsley and Harry before jetting off together into the slate grey sky.

Ainsley grinned. "Is this for real?"

"It's for real." Sirius said, taking a few steps tentatively towards Ainsley. He hadn't let Sirius anywhere near him on the way down to the seaside.

"Can I do it, too?" Ainsley asked slowly, his face lighting up.

Sirius felt his stomach sink. "No, I'm sorry, Ainsley. Some people are born with it and some aren't."

"Oh." Ainsley whispered, kicking a rock idly.

"I'm still me, though." Sirius said, cautiously reaching a hand out to touch the side of Ainsley's face. "I'm still Sirius."

Ainsley relaxed his face against Sirius' hand and closed his eyes. He was quiet for a moment before he looked back up at Sirius, "Boarding school, eh?"

Sirius laughed. "It's a long story."

"I'm pretty sure you owe it to me now." Ainsley said as Harry began reaching his arms out for Sirius.

"Hot cocoa?" Sirius suggested, taking Harry back.

"Hot cocoa." Ainsley said, turning and walking back up the rocky shoreline to the town centre.

* * *

"_Auguamenti._" Sirius said for the fifth time, holding his wand out over the mug Ainsley held in his hand. "Come on, Ainsley, this was probably the first spell I ever learned. It's boring."

They were stretched out on the floor in Ainsley's room and Harry was asleep a few feet away, curled up on Ainsley's messy bed. Sirius had spent the larger part of the last half hour avoiding the discussion he knew was coming – the tiny detail of how he had come to be here. How could he explain to someone who knew nothing of the magical world that an enormous war had recently taken place right under his nose and that, even now, he wasn't sure it was entirely over?

"I feel so ripped off." Ainsley sighed, bringing the mug to his lips.

"Why? Because you don't want to see anything more exciting than creating water?" Sirius sighed.

"No, because I'm just realizing now that every magician I ever saw pulled a fast one on me." Ainsley said, resting the mug down on the ground.

"That's what comes to your mind through all this?" Sirius chuckled, "that magicians were really casting magic the whole time?"

"Yes, that is what exactly comes to mind." Ainsley said, swishing the water around in the mug before taking another sip. "I have been swindled."

Sirius laughed and ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Ainsley, I've got a lot of explaining to do now."

"You certainly have." Ainsley said, crossing his arms, the empty mug hanging from his fingers.

"I don't really know where to start," Sirius said, thoughtfully. "I might have to tell you my entire life story for any of it to make sense and – believe me – it won't."

"How about a sweeping overview?" Ainsley suggested.

"A sweeping overview is probably even harder." Sirius sighed. "I can try, though."

"You want more cocoa first?" Ainsley asked, eyeing Sirius' empty mug.

"No, I'm fine." Sirius said, feeling his stomach churning uncomfortably. He had no idea how to proceed.

"Well, spit it out." Ainsley said. "What were your parents like?"

Sirius looked down at his feet. "I was raised by one of the oldest and most well-respected wizarding families in Europe."

"I knew you came from old money." Ainsley said, reclining against the sofa.

"Yeah, well." Sirius sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "I was disowned and literally blasted off the family tree when I was sixteen after a lifetime of disappointing my family and besmirching the Black name."

"Ah. _That _kind of old money." Ainsley said with an apologetic look.

"Long story short, I went to an academy for magical arts for seven years. That's where I met Remus, actually." Sirius said, smiling as he remembered their first meeting on the Hogwarts Express. "And Harry's father. It seems like so long ago now."

"I know you two were close." Ainsley said.

"The closest. We were brothers, James and I." Sirius said. "His parents took me in after my parents disowned me and we were inseparable all through school. He died in the wizarding war that started when I was in school and is only just coming to an end now."

"A _war_?" Ainsley asked incredulously. "What was that all about?"

"It's a long story." Sirius said his eyes on the carpet.

"You keep saying that." Ainsley said. "I have time."

"I don't know if I do." Sirius said, looking over at Harry. "I don't know if I'm ready."

"Something bad happened." Ainsley said. "I knew something bad happened to you before you came here. Nobody just packs up and leaves the country for a place where nobody they know lives or will ever find them. Especially someone who comes from an affluent family and has a new baby."

"I went to jail." Sirius blurted out.

Ainsley fell silent. He twirled his mug around in his hands slowly before looking back up at Sirius.

"Why?" Ainsley asked quietly.

"I was charged with mass murder after the death of Harry's parents." Sirius said simply. When he caught sight of Ainsley's face, however, he added, "I was both innocent and cleared of all charges. Though I probably would have killed the person who really did commit the mass murder."

Ainsley nodded slowly. "How long were you in?"

"Three weeks?" Sirius said, scratching his chin. "Give or take. They found Peter's body and realized that I didn't kill him. It fit my story and they dropped the charges and let me free."

Ainsley let out a long, low sigh. "And I thought _I _had it bad growing up."

"Yeah, all this before my twenty-second birthday." Sirius said, with a bark of laughter. "Long story short, one of our – James, Remus and myself – best friends betrayed James and sold him out to the... bad guys. The... enemy came to kill James and Lily, his wife – the target was Harry. James and Lily died, but Harry survived. He's the only known survivor of the killing curse."

Ainsley, once again, was silent. "His scar...?"

"Yeah." Sirius nodded. "His scar."

* * *

"Turns out I'm working with a load of wizards." Remus said, collapsing onto the couch later that night next to Sirius and rubbing his temples. "I overheard them talking about the newly discovered uses of dragon blood at lunch."

"Is that a good thing?" Sirius asked, tucking his legs up underneath him.

"I'm not sure." Remus said. "I made it known that I was also of a magical persuasion."

"A _magical persuasion_?" Sirius laughed, rubbing his eyes. He was absolutely exhausted, but had forced himself to wait up for Remus. Talking about the war, about James and Peter, and about his relationship with his parents had completely drained him of the little energy he had left for the day. Ainsley had been very understanding but, as usual, extremely chatty. It had been difficult to get Ainsley to let him leave.

"How else would you put it?" Remus asked, swirling the teabag around his mug. "Anyways, they seemed glad to have another wizard in their department but it was hard to get a read on them. Ever since the war we have all become so suspicious of one another."

"I told Ainsley about us today." Sirius blurted out.

Remus coughed into his sleeve. "What do you mean, _us_?"

"The wizarding world. Hogwarts. Azkaban. Voldemort." Sirius said with a sigh. The words tasted stale on his tongue after having spoken them so many times earlier that day.

"Oh." Remus said, relaxing against the couch.

"What did you think I meant?" Sirius asked, his eyes narrowing.

Remus took a sip of his tea. "What was his reaction?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow, but decided not to comment. "I blew up a boulder on the beach and all was forgiven."

"Not surprising." Remus said. "How did he find out?"

"Don't get angry." Sirius said.

"Sirius..." Remus started slowly.

"Promise!" Sirius said, pointing a finger at him.

"Fine." Remus said, his lips pressed tightly together. "What did you do?"

"Why do you automatically assume _I _did something?" Sirius replied.

"Because it probably _was _you." Remus said, bringing the mug to his lips. "It's always you."

"Harry fell and got a bad cut so I _episkey-_ed him." Sirius said, staring down at the ground. "I didn't see Ainsley put him on the sofa when I went to the kitchen to get Harry's lunch ready. Harry fell and hit his head. I took my eyes off him for thirty seconds and this is what I get!"

"Sirius Black!" Remus exclaimed, "What were you thinking? How stupid -"

"He's fine now! You promised not to get angry." Sirius said.

Remus looked as if he were about to continue with the reprimand, but he closed his mouth. "Learned your lesson, have you?"

"Yes." Sirius said, turning his body away from Remus. "I felt terrible."

There was silence for about a minute before Sirius heard Remus slide towards him and put his arms around his shoulders from behind.

"Did you go to that playgroup?" Remus asked, resting his head on Sirius' shoulder.

"No, I bloody well didn't." Sirius said, leaning the side of his head against Remus' and closing his eyes. They were quiet for a moment before Remus spoke up.

"You know you're just learning." Remus said. "It's okay to make mistakes sometimes."

"That was a pretty big mistake." Sirius sighed. "Harry was hurt."

"You said it was Ainsley who put him on the sofa. It wasn't your fault." Remus said quietly. "And he wasn't hurt badly."

"I still left him unattended." Sirius said grumpily. "That's number one on the list of bad parenting."

"Well, it's not going to happen again, so stop dwelling on it." Remus said, giving Sirius a squeeze.

Sirius closed his eyes again and relaxed into Remus' arms.

"Tired?" Remus asked.

"Extremely." Sirius sighed.

"Let's go to bed. Come on." Remus said, letting Sirius go and getting to his feet. "I'll read in bed while you sleep. You've had a long day. Please don't sleep on the floor again."

Sirius chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. His thoughts drifted to Ainsley, but the thought of sleeping in his bed again after two weeks apart from it shoved the thought out of his mind.

"Alright," Sirius said, getting to his feet. "But you stay on your side of the bed. Your feet are always so fucking cold."


	6. Domesticity

_Author's Note: For those who are curious, there are three more chapters to come until the story is complete! And now back to your regularly scheduled drama..._

* * *

_Sirius and Remus,_

_While I hope this letter finds you in good health, I must admit that I am not the messenger of good news. Just as we thought that we had eradicated the last of the Dark sentiment in London a new rash of disappearances has had us all quite thrown. I write this now in reply to your request to come back to England and at this time I must insist that you do not. Where you are now is safe. Please, Sirius, stay there for the time being. I know it must be difficult but I will give you as much assistance as possible. _

_Remus, please say hello to Professor Chadwick for me._

_Albus._

Sirius slammed the letter down on the table and let out a yell. Remus leaned forwards against the table, his head in his hands.

"We're out of money!" Sirius yelled at the ceiling. "What does he want us to do here?"

"Look, maybe we can convince him to give us some work?" Remus suggested, watching Sirius pace back and forth across the living room. "I mean, we got that letter from Molly and Arthur... They're expecting again. We know Dumbledore will refuse to let her go on assignment or even patrol when she's pregnant -"

"Which is _always_." Sirius interjected.

"-And with the Order so low in number you would think that they could offer us something..." Remus finished.

Sirius collapsed onto the sofa.

"Do you really want to leave?" Remus asked slowly, turning around in his chair to face Sirius.

Sirius dragged a hand down his face and turned to look out the window where thick, heavy snowflakes were colouring the sky. "I've been asking Dumbledore to let us come back since I got here."

"But that doesn't mean you want to go back to London." Remus said. "You've started a life here. A family. What about Ainsley?"

"London means enough money for brand name baby food. London means a real home instead of a cramped apartment. London means work and family and friends." Sirius said, staring out the window. "But no, I don't want to leave. We _have _to leave."

Remus took in a deep breath and ran a hand over the small goatee he had started growing. "I'm pulling in some money right now but the Christmas break is coming. There won't be any work for me until mid January when class assignments start coming in and the professors start into their research again."

"And I can't work because of the baby." Sirius said. "I can't leave him with someone else all day. Can you imagine what Dumbledore would say?"

A silence fell between them as Sirius stared out of the window, watching the snow clutter against the windowsill.

"Look, Sirius." Remus said, twisting his hands together. "I've been thinking."

"About what?" Sirius asked, trying to ignore the growl of hunger from his stomach.

"There's an event tomorrow night. At the university." Remus said, looking up. "It's a social for the end of the term. All the faculty will be there: full and part time professors, TAs, even the Dean. I think if I go and if I can impress them, I have a good shot at having them hire me on full time."

Sirius straightened up in his seat. "That would mean a raise?"

"It would mean a raise." Remus said, nodding. "But it's not going to be easy. I'm only a teaching assistant and I never finished the classes I took after Hogwarts."

"I don't think anyone had time to finish their classes." Sirius said with a short laugh. The War had meant sacrifice for a lot of people.

"Including you." Remus said with a small smile. "It's not too late, you know."

"To what? Become a healer and spend all my free time studying charts and working night shifts?" Sirius laughed. "It would completely ruin my complexion."

Remus and Sirius laughed together for a moment before once again falling into silence.

"I'll bring Harry." Sirius said. "Babies always bring out the guilt in rich people."

"Wait, you'll come?" Remus said, his mouth falling open in shock.

"What, did you expect me to just let you wear a suit and tie without me?" Sirius asked, slapping a hand to his chest, clearly affronted by the suggestion.

Remus got to his feet uncharacteristically quickly and pulled Sirius into a hug. Sirius shut his eyes and nuzzled his face into the crook of Remus' neck.

"You do like to get dressed up." Remus said into Sirius' shoulder.

"I'll be the belle of the ball." Sirius said, giving Remus a final squeeze before letting him go.

"Now what are we doing about Christmas?" Remus asked, sitting down next to Sirius on the couch. "Have you even started shopping? It's already the 22nd."

"I had just enough money left over budget to get everyone a little something." Sirius said.

"What did you get me?" Remus asked, tucking his legs up underneath him.

"Nothing." Sirius said with a smile. It was, unfortunately, true. He hadn't been able to find anything for Remus. For Ainsley he had bought a miniature Darth Vader from the local comic book shop and had bewitched it so that it paced back and forth and pointed angrily at things. For Harry he had bought a small toy broomstick that really hovered. He had received roughly a dozen packages in the post already from Order members and they had all been addressed to Harry, so at the very least he knew Harry wouldn't go empty-handed on Christmas morning. It was a small solace.

"I have to go over to Ainsley's this afternoon to help him get ready for the big affair." Sirius said, clapping a hand to his forehead as he remembered.

"You don't sound too happy about it." Remus said, scratching the back of his neck.

"I'm not. Have you ever seen a less domestic person in your life?" Sirius asked, motioning to himself.

"I don't know," Remus said, a small smile playing at his lips, "I'm pretty sure you're the one with baby drool all over his shoulder."

"Oh, yeah? You want some?" Sirius grinned, reaching over and grabbing Remus by the arms.

"Get off of me!" Remus yelped as Sirius leapt on top of him and pushed him flat against the couch.

"Oh, you like it." Sirius laughed.

"I have never liked it!" Remus protested, trying to shove Sirius away.

"You are way more domestic than me." Sirius exclaimed, sitting on Remus' chest. "Admit it!"

"If you get off of me," Remus choked out, "I'll come with you and help out at Ainsley's!"

"Oh, would you?" Sirius grinned, leaping off immediately and getting on his knees next to the sofa.

"Only if you promise never to sit on me again." Remus said, pointing a finger at Sirius.

Sirius pulled a face of exaggerated consideration. "Fine."

"And in exchange for you coming to the social tomorrow night." Remus said, getting to his feet and pulling Sirius up with him.

* * *

"Are you done doing your present shopping?" Ainsley asked, elbows deep in a bowl of freshly risen dough.

"As finished as we'll ever be." Sirius sighed, pointing his wand at the pot on the stove and willing it to stir itself. "You know I don't really have that much money."

"But it's important because it's - "

"Harry's first Christmas with me, I know." Sirius interrupted with a small smile. "But he's only a year old. He's not really going to care what he gets for Christmas."

"That is a lie." Ainsley said. "I got a fire engine for my first birthday and I still remember it."

"There's no way you could remember something from that long ago." Sirius laughed.

"Did you hear that, Remus?" Ainsley asked, clearly appalled, "He just called me old."

Remus shrugged and turned back to his sweet potatoes. "Sirius has always been a bit crazy."

"Amen to that." Ainsley sighed.

"You're so weird." Sirius chuckled.

"_I'm _weird?" Ainsley laughed. "You're the one who can stir potatoes with his mind!"

Remus and Sirius both burst out laughing.

"I've never thought about it that way before." Sirius said.

"Well, that's exactly what it is. Mind-controlled potatoes. It isn't natural." Ainsley grinned, wiping his hands on his apron.

"I have to agree." Remus said, walking over to Sirius at the stove. He put his arm around Sirius' waist and leaned over to look into the pot. "Didn't you ever learn that you're supposed to peel the potatoes before you boil them?"

Sirius turned to look at Remus, shifting slightly as Remus' hand rested on his hip. "Not especially..."

"Well, I suppose we could still mash these ones but they'll be a bit lumpy." Remus said, putting both hands on Sirius' hips to move him out of the way. "I'll do it."

"I think we've done all we can do for today, actually." Ainsley said, slightly too loudly. Just leave everything here and I'll put it away later. Shall we call it an afternoon?"

"We probably should." Sirius said, leaning against the wall and wiping his brow.

"Oh, don't you give me that song and dance, Sirius." Ainsley said, pointing at Sirius with his rolling pin. "You've barely lifted a finger all afternoon."

"I'm not the domestic type!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

Ainsley and Remus both snorted with laughter.

"Don't you two start." Sirius said, shaking his head. "Come on, let's get back to mine and Remus' place. We can't cook dinner here. There are Christmas accouterments actually everywhere."

"A fair assessment." Ainsley nodded. "Come on, let's head out. I'm cooking tonight."

* * *

"They said _what_?"

"Sirius, please don't."

"Wait, _werewolves_ are real, too?"

Sirius had leapt to his feet and pointed his fork at a very bemused Remus, knocking his chair over and sending it clattering to the ground.

"Sirius, please calm down." Remus groaned, leaning forward against the table and rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers.

"How can I calm down when you're being harassed at work?" Sirius exclaimed through a half-chewed mouthful of steak. "And you want me to go hang around all of these people tomorrow night?"

"Sirius, please swallow." Ainsley asked, covering his eyes with his hand. "That's disgusting."

Sirius rolled his eyes at Ainsley, but obliged. He did not, however, lower his fork. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would react like this." Remus said quietly, staring into his wine glass.

"Too right!" Sirius said, slamming his hands down on the table. "You give me three minutes alone with them. Three minutes."

"Sirius, please don't be foolish. I'm sure Remus can take care of himself and besides, you're scaring the baby." Ainsley said, hugging Harry close to him.

"Ainsley, please." Remus said quickly, turning slightly to look at him. "This really isn't any of your business."

Sirius' grabbed his wand from the table and in an instant, Remus' wine shot up out of his glass and struck him full in the face. Calmly and deliberately, Remus took his serviette from his lap and wiped his face. Sirius let out a loud growl of anger and rounded the table to stand next to Remus.

"First of all, stop being such a pushover." Sirius said, crouching down to Remus' eye level. "Second of all, don't talk to him like that."

Remus let out a short laugh which set Sirius' teeth on edge.

"Alright, Harry, how about that new Lego I got you?" Ainsley said to Harry, warily eyeing the look on Sirius' face as he got to his feet to take Harry into the bedroom.

"Really?" Remus whispered, turning back around and motioning to where Ainsley had just been sitting after the bedroom door had swung shut. "Haven't you told him enough about our world without telling him about _me_?"

"What do you mean '_telling him about me'_?_"_ Sirius asked, his tone mocking as he crossed into the kitchen. "I need a drink – you're being ridiculous."

"You heard him, Sirius." Remus said, watching Sirius climb up onto the countertop to get to the cabinet where they stored their whiskey. "'_Werewolves are real, too?'. _That plus the fact that you're clearly out of your mind over something to do with them."

"He probably thinks it has to do with me." Sirius said, swearing loudly as the cabinet door swung forward into his forehead. "I_ am_ a man who turns into a dog, after all."

"He knows about that, too?" Remus sighed.

"Why not?" Sirius asked, grabbing the bottle of Tennessee whiskey and jumping awkwardly down onto the kitchen floor. "Why do I have to live my life in secret?"

Remus shook his head and said nothing. "You _do_ remember you are in hiding?"

"Yeah, and nobody knows I can turn into a dog." Sirius said, opening the bottle and taking a swig. "I'm an illegal animagus. Plus, does Ainsley _really _look like Dark Lord material to you? Does he, Remus?"

"Do you mind not drinking straight from the bottle?" Remus asked tersely, grabbing Sirius' glass from the table and handing it to him.

Sirius grabbed the glass and poured a large amount of whiskey into it.

"So what- You're a drunk now, too?" Remus demanded as Sirius brought the glass to his lips.

"Wouldn't you like that?" Sirius snarled, taking a step towards Remus.

Remus put his hands on Sirius' chest to stop him, but Sirius took another step forward. "Sirius, stop."

Sirius glowered down at Remus for a moment, breathing hard.

"You don't have to protect me." Remus said. "I know that's what this is about."

"Then who will?" Sirius said after a pause, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "Because you certainly aren't going to take care of yourself."

Remus chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment in thought and moved his hands to Sirius' shoulders. "Sirius, I thought we were past this."

"Past what?" Sirius asked, his voice dropping to barely more than a whisper. "If I turn my back on you for more than a second I find you living on the street. You don't know how to ask for help and you don't know how to stand up for yourself. You never have."

Remus looked down at his feet. "Sirius, I've been living with discrimination against werewolves my whole life. Just because my coworkers told a few werewolf jokes at work doesn't mean you have to go kill them all."

"Remus, look at me." Sirius said, taking Remus' face in his hands and turning him to look upwards. "It's more than that and you know it."

"You need to get your temper under control." Remus said slowly, his eyebrows raised.

"You need to shave." Sirius said with a small smile, running his thumbs over the thin layer of blond stubble that had risen over Remus' cheeks.

"So do you." Remus said quietly, eyeing the beard Sirius had begun growing over the past couple weeks.

"You like me with a beard and you always have." Sirius said, feeling his heartbeat pick up as Remus ran his hands over the thick black hair on his face.

"Are you two about finished with your row?" Ainsley called from behind the bedroom door.

Sirius leapt away from Remus and sloshed a large amount of whiskey onto the kitchen floor.

"Yeah, sorry." Sirius called out, turning his back on Remus and swallowing what was left of the whiskey in his glass.

He cleared his throat and attempted to will his heart to stop hammering against his ribcage as he crossed to the bedroom. He opened the door and smiled at Ainsley and Harry who were playing with the brand new Viking Lego together on the floor.

"Everything okay?" Ainsley asked, not turning to look at Sirius as he came in.

"Yeah." Sirius said, stepping in and closing the door behind him. He slid down the back of the door and sat watching Harry hammer several Lego people with his boat.

There was a small silence as Ainsley leaned against the bedframe, his arms crossed. Sirius eyed Ainsley warily, disconcerted by the uncharacteristic lapse in conversation. He leaned forwards to help Harry put the lego men back together.

"Sirius, where do you sleep?" Ainsley asked finally.

Sirius paused mid-air, his hands full of Lego. He felt as if the bottom had just dropped out of his stomach. Somewhere along the line he had neglected to mention that he and Remus had been sleeping in the same bed for over a week.

"I sleep in here." Sirius said, very carefully.

"And where does Remus sleep?" Ainsley asked again, looking around the bedroom.

"Also in here." Sirius replied.

"Really." Ainsley said with a small laugh. "That's interesting because I was under the impression you slept in the sitting room."

Sirius dropped the Lego onto the floor and let out a deep sigh; The last thing he wanted to do was fight with Ainsley right after having finished yelling at Remus.

"Ainsley, it's just easier for me that way." Sirius said, laughing to try to lighten the mood. "You try sleeping on that antique in the living room for a month. It puts a pretty brutal crick in your neck, let me tell you..."

Sirius' smile faded when he caught sight of the dark look on Ainsley's face.

"Ainsley..." Sirius started again. "There's nothing to worry about. There just isn't room here for all of us."

"Remus has been here for more than three weeks now." Ainsley said shortly. "You told me he was coming here because he had nobody to look after him. Well, he's got a job now and he's completely healed. Don't you think it's time for him to find his own place?"

"He's helping me with Harry." Sirius lied.

"Is he, really?" Ainsley asked. "Because as far as I can recall all he does every single day is go to work, then come home and drink a bottle of wine while he grades papers or whatever he does. When was the last time he cooked dinner for you or changed a nappie?"

"He's bringing money in for us." Sirius exclaimed. "The whole reason I could pay for what was on the table tonight was because of him."

"If you can't see what I see, Sirius," Ainsley said, getting to his feet. "Then you're blind."

Sirius called after him, but the sound of the front door slamming shut drowned him out.

* * *

"Sirius? Are you asleep?"

It had been three hours since Sirius had put Harry down for the night and he hadn't left the bed. Harry had fallen asleep curled up next to him and he hadn't had the heart to put him in his crib so he had let him stay. He had spent the better part of those last hours staring up at the ceiling wondering how he had ever thought that life after the War would be any easier or less complicated. When he heard Remus open the door later that night, he quickly shut his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Sirius felt Remus sit down next to him at the edge of the bed, "Do you want me to sleep outside? I know you're not asleep, Sirius."

"No." Sirius replied quietly.

"I'm going to put Harry in his crib, okay?" Remus whispered, leaning over to pick Harry up.

"No." Sirius said again, draping an arm loosely around the sleeping baby.

"There's not enough room for all three of us." Remus said.

"There is. Just get in." Sirius said, moving carefully out of Remus' side of the bed.

"Do you want to sleep in your clothes?" Remus asked again.

"I'm fine." Sirius replied, turning onto his side and gently moving Harry slightly closer to the edge of the bed next to the wall.

"You're going to fall off." Remus said, taking his shirt off and then his jeans.

"There's enough room for us." Sirius repeated, wrapping his arm back around Harry.

"Do you still want to come to the social tomorrow night or should I go by myself?" Remus asked.

"I'll come. I said I would come." Sirius said.

Sirius felt Remus slide down into the bed next to him and turn away, awkwardly trying not to fall off the bed while avoiding touching Sirius.

"You can turn around. If you want." Sirius said quietly after several minutes of silence.

As carefully as he could, Remus turned over, his stomach pressed against Sirius' back. Tentatively, Remus reached an arm over Sirius and rested it there.

"I'm sorry, Sirius." Remus said quietly into the back of Sirius' neck.

Sirius nodded. "I know."


	7. Feels Like Home

_Author's Note: Well, it's been a little bit of a wait, but here you go. This chapter was really hard to write for me and I am still not entirely satisfied, I don't think. __Only two more chapters until it's all over..._

* * *

Sirius straightened his tie in the mirror before leaning over to adjust Harry's.

"There you are, Handsome." Sirius smiled, ruffling Harry's hair. "Now don't you drool all over this."

Harry pulled his fist out of his mouth and let out a string of babble.

"Is that so?" Sirius asked, running a brush through his hair for the third time.

Harry laughed and fell backwards onto the mattress and rolled around. Sirius smiled and set the brush down onto the wardrobe before scooping the wriggly baby up into his arms.

"Best behaviour now." Sirius said into the top of Harry's head as he carried him into the hallway.

Sirius had spent the better part of the day completely consumed by anxiety and right now wasn't much better. When Remus had climbed out of bed earlier that morning he had pretended to be asleep even when Remus patted him on the shoulder and kissed the top of Harry's head. Harry had slept in until 9:00 for the first time ever and he had used the time to lie in bed and stare at the wall, thinking about his life.

Sirius had no idea where he stood with Ainsley, and the irrationally defensive part of him told him that he didn't care to find out. While Ainsley had been an instrumental part of him being able to settle down and find himself here in Edinburgh, he had Remus now and they had their own routine again. Sirius had been infinitely disturbed by Ainsley's show of jealousy the night before and he wasn't sure if he was willing to have someone in his life who didn't understand his and Remus' relationship. Sirius had _never _had room in his life for people who didn't understand him and Remus. Why start now?

_We're just sleeping in the same bed again_, Sirius thought bitterly as he strapped Harry into the pram. _It's not like we're fucking._

The night was bitterly cold and Sirius made sure to bundle Harry up as tightly as he could. The wind was biting through Sirius' thinning leather coat and he stood in front of the bakery after having pulled Harry and the pram down the stairs waiting for the bus to take them to the university. Once again, Sirius found himself wishing for the much milder London winters and for enough money for a new winter coat if he was going to have to stay here for the whole winter.

_At least Harry's warm,_ Sirius thought as he listened to Harry chirping away happily underneath his multitudinous of layers of winter protection.

Sirius was shaking with cold as he stepped onto the bus and dragged the pram up the narrow set of stairs into the front row of seats, displacing a set of surly-looking teenagers. He could feel the cold in every part of his body and his stomach growled uncomfortably. He had been far to anxious to eat anything at all today. The bus ride went relatively smoothly while he and Harry played a rousing game of peek-a-boo that made a few elderly ladies sitting across from him giggle with delight.

_I've still got it._ Sirius smiled, jamming Harry's burgundy woolen hat had been wearing all winter back over the baby's tousled black hair.

As their bus pulled into the winding streets of the university, Sirius peered out of the foggy windows to try to see Remus. They were supposed to meet at exactly 8:30 outside of the university centre where the social was being held. The trouble was that Sirius had no idea where that was or how to find it. As they rounded the corner after several minutes of navigating snow-covered roads, Sirius spotted a tall, thin shape being whipped by snow. Sirius grinned, rang the bell, jumped to his feet and started pulling Harry towards the door.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled, his voice shaky with cold as he rushed forward to help Sirius off the bus with the pram.

"It's fucking frosty out here." Sirius said, his bare hands shaking against the pram's handles.

"It sure is." Remus said, "And mind your language, Sirius."

"Oh right, sorry." Sirius said. "It's _bloody _fucking frosty out here."

Remus laughed and swatted Sirius on the arm. "I'm serious."

"So am I, what a coincidence!" Sirius exclaimed, knocking Remus playfully with his hip.

Remus rolled his eyes and held the door to the university centre open. Sirius was infinitely grateful for the rush of warmth as much for Harry's sake as for his own. They could already hear the din of the social coming from within and Sirius eyed the medieval architecture of the university with scepticism. As they passed portrait after portrait of important looking people, Sirius began to feel rather self conscious. He became acutely aware of how underdressed he was as Remus led him to the coat room.

"Sorry, this is all I had." Sirius said apologetically. He was wearing a pair of black slacks, a white button-up shirt and a black tie. Simple, but hardly the attire he had caught sight of on his way here. One woman had been wearing a full-length ball gown.

"I'm wearing pretty much the same thing." Remus shrugged, pulling his coat off and hanging it up. He was wearing a pair of navy blue slacks, a white button-up and an argyle blue and beige sweater vest. "Some of these people are dressed to the nines but it's all for show."

"Clearly." Sirius said, eyeing the rows of elegant fur coats in the coat room.

"We'll be fine, come on." Remus smiled, pulling Harry out of his pram and peeling off layer after layer of clothing. "Sweet Merlin's beard, Sirius! You're lucky he didn't suffocate under here."

Sirius shrugged. "At least he didn't get frostbite."

"Let's leave the hat on, though." Remus said, putting the hat back onto Harry.

"Good plan." Sirius said, inspecting the hem of his shirt.

Remus swung Harry onto his hip, straightened his little tie and planted a kiss on his forehead, "There you are, Handsome."

Sirius smiled.

* * *

The main room the social was being held in was absolutely enormous. At one end, a string quartet was playing a classical piece that was being broadcast around the room by means of an electronic projection system or, at least, that was what Remus had told him. There were tables full of food and men and women of all walks of life dressed elegantly. The room itself was incredibly large and reminded him distinctly of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. He felt enormously out of place and had taken to following Remus around like a dog – nodding politely at people, answering vague impersonal questions and participating in small talk. He had taken Harry from Remus several minutes after arriving; he found that often people were far more interested in Harry than they were in him. He didn't mind.

Remus led them around the room slowly until he found a group of middle-aged men huddled around a woman who looked rather like a librarian. Remus stood awkwardly behind the group for several minutes but the men didn't seem to notice. Or, Sirius suspected, they didn't care. After waiting long enough, Remus cleared his throat and they all looked over at them after

"Ah, Lupin." said the oldest of the men, peering over his glasses at Remus. "Glad to see you have arrived."

Sirius fought very hard not to roll his eyes. Remus had been there for over five minutes waiting.

"Thank you, Professor Chadwick." Remus said, inclining his head slightly towards him. "A lovely evening."

"Isn't it?" the Professor asked, swirling his snifter of brandy. He peered over his glasses at Sirius and Harry and wrinkled his nose ever so slightly. "And who might you be?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Remus placed his hand on Sirius' arm and slid it around to his back.

"This is Jonathan Smith," Remus motioned up at Sirius "And his son, Harold."

Sirius turned ever so slightly to look at Remus, but Remus stepped carefully on his foot.

"Ah, Mr. Smith." Professor Chadwick extended a long-fingered hand to Sirius. "A pleasure. And what is your relationship to Lupin?"

Sirius shook his hand. "We live together."

Professor Chadwick froze for a moment and the smile flickered on his face ever so slightly. Though it was a subtle change in expression, Sirius caught sight of it and felt anger starting to pool in the pit of his stomach.

"We were room mates at boarding school." Remus said quickly, dropping his hand from Sirius' back. "Turns out we were both living in Edinburgh and thought, why not relive the old days?"

Professor Chadwick nodded, but the distaste in his expression was clear. "We were just discussing the research I will be beginning next term."

Remus nodded and Sirius blinked once or twice.

"I have been thinking of delving more heavily into the world of Milton." Professor Chadwick said, his hand trembling slightly around his glass.

"Oh, interesting." Remus began. "_Paradise Lost _is an excellent example of..."

Sirius lost interest and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. He had always enjoyed wizarding literature and he read quite a lot, but the world of Muggle literature was something he knew absolutely nothing about. It was the one part of Remus he knew he could never access, never get close to. He remembered being envious of Remus and Lily when they would sit together in the Common Room on Sunday afternoons and discuss the latest in literary criticisms, in poetry and film. Try as he might, Sirius just could never get interested in Muggle novels. They were part of a world he never belonged to and it was hard for him to become wholly immersed in their stories.

Sirius bounced Harry impatiently and was about to leave when the conversation caught his attention. He recognized the unmistakeable signs of a conversation going south very quickly and Sirius looked up.

"I do agree with most scholars that those who are of a half-breed should be registered with the Ministry." said a rather stuffy-looking professor in an over-large tweed coat.

How the conversation got from stuffy medieval literature to half-breeds, Sirius wasn't sure. He was reminded right away of the argument he and Remus had had last night at dinner and he tried to force himself to stay quiet.

Remus was twisting his hands together hard behind his back as he spoke, "Professor Lawrence, I have to disagree. So long as these people aren't posing a threat to society-"

"My dear boy, how are metamorphmagi not a threat to society?" the tweed-coated Professor Lawrence asked. "If there is anything I've learned from living through the reign of two dark wizards it's that you can never trust a person to always be who they claim to be."

"Anyone could easily brew a Polyjuice Potion." Remus retorted. "Anyone could change their looks in an instant if they so chose to."

"'_Easily'_?"Professor Chadwick scoffed. "It takes over a month to brew a Polyjuice Potion. A metamorphmagi can transform at a moment's notice, becoming anyone or anything imaginable!"

Remus' knuckles were white and Sirius was forcibly reminded of his cousin's young daughter who was able to transform any part of her body at will.

"Registration of human beings is a fundamentally flawed system." Remus argued. "During the Muggle Second World War Adolf Hitler tried the same thing."

"This has nothing to do with Adolf Hitler." Professor Lawrence laughed. "The registration of animagi continues to prevent crime all over the United Kingdom."

"I concur." Professor Chadwick continued. "Why werewolves have not been required to register with the Ministy has always mystified me."

"An excellent example of a way we could eradicate werewolves and their bloodlines." Professor Lawrence exclaimed. "Registration and incarceration during transformation could effectively end lycanthropy once and for all."

Sirius felt the anger from earlier seethe up inside him, but willed himself to stay silent for Remus' sake.

"I don't think you know what you're want people who have involuntarily given part of their lives to painful transformations be punished even more by having to be forced to confine themselves in a hospital or jail cell every time they have to go through what they do on the full moon?" Remus said with a laugh. "Do you even hear how stupid that is? Why punish someone even more for something they had nothing to do with causing in the first place?"

Both professors and Sirius stood with their mouths hanging open. The last thing any of them had expected was for Remus to argue back so viciously.

"It may not be their fault," Professor Lawrence began, a nerve twitching in his forehead, "But it is someone's responsibility to protect the rest of the world from the affliction."

"If it were such a dilemma, don't you think the entirety of Britain would be a werewolf by now?" Remus asked, his hands shaking.

The professors exchanged exasperated looks.

"Son, I don't think you understand what you're saying." Professor Chadwick said, his voice heavy with condescension.

"Listen, _Professor_," Sirius interjected. "You sound to me like _you're _the one who doesn't understand what he's saying."

All eyes turned to Sirius who had heretofore been completely silent.

"I hold a doctorate in Zoology and sit on the Council for the Control of Magical Creatures." Professor Lawrence said, clearly affronted. "I work with men and women who have been maimed for life by werewolves. Have you any idea that merely a scratch from a werewolf can bring life-altering biological changes to one's genetic makeup? How dare you say that I do not know what I'm talking about when I wrote the _book _on the topic."

Harry squirmed and started to fuss in Sirius' arms. Sirius had begun to realize that even though Harry could barely speak, he was quite empathetic. He knew that if they stayed here for much longer Harry would throw an enormous tantrum and then they really would be the centre of attention. He turned to Remus to tell him to leave, but before he had even opened his mouth to speak, Remus exploded.

"You listen to me." Remus snarled, one finger pointed at Professor Lawrence's face, the other hand balled tightly into a fist. "I have had enough of listening to pompous old bastards lecture from their pulpits about how much they know about a topic when all they've done is read about it in dusty old books. You get back to me when you've lived through being an outcast and when you have to go through what these people do every single day. You can lord your doctorate over me when you've lived on the street after having been outed to your friends and family as a dirty half-breed liable to kill at any moment. You can talk to me about job experience and scholarships when you've lost every job you've ever had because of something that happened to you against your will and will continue to happen to you every month for the rest of your life."

Both professors stared in absolute shock, until understanding registered on Professor Lawrence's face.

"Let's get out of here." Remus growled, turning on his heel and storming off, pushing through crowds of people.

Sirius could only follow, struck absolutely speechless by what had just transpired. This was not the Remus he was used to; the Remus he knew would have quietly stood by and not absorbed a word of it. Sirius would never have recognized this person had he not looked absolutely identical to Remus Lupin as he stalked through the crowds, his fists still balled tightly at his sides. Sirius followed Remus out into the coat room and then out into the snow.

Remus didn't say a word the entire time they stood at the bus stop. Sirius watched, fascinated, as vapour curled away from Remus' nose and mouth and mixed with the thick white snow falling slowly and steadily. Remus refused to look at Sirius and only spoke when he helped carry the pram up onto the bus when it finally arrived. Even then, it was only a curse when he crushed his finger under the pram's wheel and the bus floor.

Sirius sat awkwardly beside him, feeling incredibly ill at ease in this odd reversal of emotional roles. He was so used to being the angry one that he had no idea how to act. He played with Harry the whole ride home and didn't make eye contact with Remus once during the ride. He could feel the energy coming off Remus in waves; he had seen Remus angry before, but never like this.

Harry was asleep by the time they rounded the corner from the bus stop to the apartment. The bakery's lights were out and snow had collected, once again, in the stairwell up to their place. Remus pulled the pram up single-handedly and jerked it away from Sirius when he went to grab it to help. When they unlocked the front door, Remus swept Harry delicately up into his arms and disappeared into the bedroom.

Sirius was left standing, shivering, in the front hallway. He shuffled from foot to foot nervously, staring at the bedroom door before finally starting to unwind the scarf from around his neck. He let if fall to the floor, the sound of his heart hammering loudly in his ears. Then the coat which he let fall, too. Finally, he started to loosen his tie and, regaining a small sense of normalcy, began to walk into the kitchen to find a drink.

The bottle of whiskey was still on the counter from the night before. He unstoppered it and brought it to his lips. The bright, fiery sensation of the alcohol livened him up slightly, bringing warmth back to parts of him he never thought would warm up. He collapsed onto the sofa, swirling the brown liquid in the bottle.

"Padfoot."

Sirius turned around, the bottle halfway to his lips. Remus walked forwards purposefully, letting the bedroom door swing shut behind him.

"Remus?" Sirius said, pulling a face as he swallowed.

Remus came and sat down on the sofa next to him, his hair shooting off in a thousand different directions as if he had spent hours running his hands through it.

"I'm sorry." Remus said quietly, running his fingers along the seam of the sofa cushions, his eyes downcast.

"Don't be." Sirius said, resting the bottle on the coffee table. "I've been telling you to do this for ages. It's good that you stuck up for yourself."

"I've lost myself a job." Remus said. "Again."

"Moony..." Sirius said quietly, his head swimming with the weight of what Remus had just said. They were already out of money and he knew the Order couldn't afford to support them anymore, especially when there were so many other jobless Order Members with large families to take care of first. "You've still got me."

Sirius wasn't sure what else to say. He reached forward tentatively and touched the tips of Remus' long, bony fingers. Remus froze under his touch but, after a few moments, turned his hand over and took Sirius' hand in his.

"We're going to figure it out." Sirius said. "It always works out."

"You know, I never fancied you the optimist." Remus said, glancing over at Sirius from underneath his shaggy fringe.

"Neither did I." Sirius said, falling silent at the look on Remus' face. After a few moment's silence, Remus turned and entwined his fingers through Sirius', his eyes following the lines of their interlaced fingers. When Remus looked up again, Sirius, for once, didn't feel nervous or uncomfortable or anxious.

It was more instinct than anything that caused him to slide sideways across the couch, unlock their fingers and take Remus' face in his hands. Sirius rubbed his thumbs across Remus' face and then, sliding his hands to the back of Remus' neck, their lips pressed together.

The heady scent of Remus' hair and skin and that comfortable sensation of the softness of his lips reminded Sirius forcibly of times long past, of the time they had together in their London flat, cut too short by mistrust and betrayal. As Remus slid his hands around Sirius and pulled him close, their lips parting slightly, Sirius felt suddenly that this apartment, this country, this foreign place, was home.

* * *

Their clothes were off and on the ground before either of them had a chance to change their mind. Breathing hard, Remus pulled them down off the sofa and onto the floor between the sofa and the coffee table. Sirius lay flat on his back, the carpet pressing soft red marks into his bare skin. Remus climbed on top, tracing his finger tips down the thin trail of black hair on Sirius' chest and stomach. Sirius pulled Remus face back down to his, unwilling to ever let him go.

Sirius rolled Remus underneath him, his lips gently exploring the spaces they used to know so well – the curve of Remus' jaw, the hollow at the base of his neck, his pronounced collarbones. Sirius pulled Remus up and bent him backwards against the antique coffee table, Bare flesh pressed against bare flesh, hands touching anything they could get a hold of. Sirius pressed Remus down in front of him against the glass, sweat dripping in rivulets down his brow and around his eyes as he guided himself between Remus' legs. Sirius whispered a breathless lubrication spell before sliding into Remus. They moved together, Remus' legs wrapped around Sirius, their lips never breaking contact.

"I never stopped loving you." Remus whispered, his teeth grazing Sirius' throat.

* * *

_R & S,_

_I must urge you to keep a low profile and not to write back. Between the time that this letter is sent and the time you recieve it, much of our organization will have gone into hiding. It is impossible to say when you will hear from me next, but please, stay where you are. _

_A._

Sirius looked up from the letter and passed it to Remus who read it over two or three times before handing it back. Sirius was sitting topless on the kitchen table, his legs dangling over the edge while Remus sat with a cup of coffee in front of him.

"What does it mean?" Remus asked, rubbing his temples.

Sirius swallowed hard. "Leave it to Dumbledore to blow things out of proportion."

They had been having breakfast when a large barn owl had begun tapping furiously at their window. It had waited for a few seconds while Sirius untied the note, but flew off almost at once. Remus watched it fly away as Sirius opened it and read.

Remus pulled his bathrobe off as an uncomfortable layer of cold sweat had worked its way down his spine. "When has Dumbledore _ever _blown things out of proportion? In fact, he's usually guilty of under-emphasizing dangerous situations."

Sirius sighed and slid down off the table. He kissed Remus on the top of the head and adjusted his pyjama pants.

"Do you really think it's that bad in London?" Sirius asked, raking a hand over his unshaven face.

Remus shrugged, pulling off the loose-fitting t-shirt he had been wearing under the bathrobe and putting it on the chair next to him.

"When was the last time we heard from anyone else?" Remus asked. "The Weasleys? Vance?"

Sirius shrugged. "We got a few gifts in the post last week, but they could have been sent out ages ago."

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sirius..."

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but the sound of the doorbell interrupted him. Sirius and Remus exchanged nervous looks before Sirius walked over to the door. Tentatively, Sirius looked through the small peep hole on the door and to what would have been relief had the events that had transpired the night before not transpired, saw Ainsley standing on the doorstep. Sirius recoiled from the door almost as if it had burned him.

"Who is it?" Remus said urgently, jumping to his feet and seizing his wand.

Sirius' stomach roiled and he clasped a hand against his mouth as the gravity of his situation hit him.

Remus crossed the room quickly and grabbed Sirius by the arm. Sirius could feel his heart beating hard and the more he lingered on the fact that he had cheated on Ainsley, one of the nicest and most pure-hearted people he had ever met, the more he felt like throwing up.

"What?" Remus whispered again, shaking Sirius hard by the arm.

"Ainsley." Sirius managed to choke out. Remus' face went white as a ghost and Sirius turned on his heel and headed for the bathroom.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed. "Wait!"

"Unless you want to watch me vomit then you shouldn't come with me." Sirius said, slamming the door to the bathroom and sinking down on his knees.

Sirius listened as Remus crossed back to the front door. When he heard Ainsley's voice, he couldn't hold it in anymore and retched.

Sirius stayed there for a while, shivering against the cold tile floor until he heard the front door close.

"Sirius." Remus' voice said from the other side of the door.

"What?" Sirius replied, dragging a shaking hand across his mouth.

"Listen, he wants to talk to you." Remus said. Sirius listened as he heard Remus sit down on the opposite side of the door.

"I can't." Sirius said, feeling his stomach churn again at the thought.

"Look, Sirius," Remus said, his voice muffled. Sirius got to his feet and ran the taps. He didn't want to hear what Remus had to say. He didn't want to face what he had done. "I told him you were sick and he could talk to you later."

Sirius rinsed his mouth out and turned to open the door, his hair clinging to his face. "What am I going to say?"

"Nothing." Remus said. "Just... I know I haven't been very _accommodating_ of Ainsley, but he's been so good to you and so good to Harry."

"Don't remind me." Sirius said, leaning the side of his head against the doorframe.

"His dinner is tomorrow. Christmas is tomorrow." Remus said. "He's so looking forward to it and I don't want to disappoint him."

"Neither do I." Sirius said, closing his eyes and willing himself to calm down.

"Tell him after the dinner. Wait until then. Let him have that, at least." Remus said, getting to his feet and taking Sirius by the shoulders.

"Lie to him?" Sirius asked. "How can I even face him?"

"Lie for his sake." Remus said, taking Sirius by the shoulders. "Let him have his night, at least."


End file.
